some like it stink eye

Young at heart

2012-01-10T10:52:00.000-08:00

I think I'll always be young at heart. A tent over my bead, bright colors, song and dance, banners. I hope this never stops.

My Thing.

2012-01-09T10:39:00.000-08:00

I could start this blog post off with "a lot has changed since my last post!" but I'll spare you.

I'm sitting in the Lakewood Public library in the Non-fiction part of the library, which to my excitement is rather large. Where I'm sitting, on the second floor, overlooks the first floor. The first floor has a long and heavily staffed circulation desk and the children's section, which to my dismay, is not quiet. There seems to be a child banging on some books and a father asking over and over for them to stop, as this progresses a tightness wells up in my chest and my breath become's shorter and shorter, this child, it seems, it making me anxious. When I have these reactions I wonder how I could ever have children of my own without withering into a tight ball of anxious lock down, but then I realize it's probably just other people's kids, because I have no control over how they're behaving.

I sat down in this library un prepared, you see, usually in this case I would put my ear plugs in, I would be listening to music, I would be chewing on almonds, but I forgot all those things at home in my rush to try and be productive. In a case such as this where I desire quiet for concentration, I have figured out the remedy to my anxiety, snacks and the absence of outside stimulus. But after some frantic searching in my "Mary Poppin's" bag, ear plugs or ear bud's are no where to be found. A couple deep breaths and a steady stream of consciousness will just have to do.

We all have our tricks and routines to get us through the day, maybe you drink coffee in the morning to seem normal, or you meditate, or smoke pot or cigarettes, drink kombucha, or like my sister, drink a slimy green concoction every morning. Everyone has their thing, mine just involves cutting my senses off from the real world.

With this blog I do not ask of others to read it, although they may, I simply ask of myself to use it, it's another thing to help me get through the day, a steady stream of consciousness that isn't blocking up my thoughts.

And knowingly, I say this only as some one who has been a nanny and not someone who has been an actual parent, but my kids sure as HELL will not whine in public, at least not any longer than a single word coming out of their mouth, because as patient in nature as I am, children whining is like nails on a chalkboard to my ears.

Just a reminder Chicago, it's getting cold.

2010-11-30T11:36:00.001-08:00

Dear Chicagoan's,

It's that time of year again! I'm not really talking about the Holidays or consumerism or yada yada yada, I'm talking about the cold, dark, ickyness. I think the cold dark days have a tendency to put a damper on everyone's mood and while for about 2 months we have the added jolliness of the holidays, that only lasts till the beginning of January. I'm writing this to remind everyone that we're all going through a similar time right now where we all need an extra pick me up, we all need that extra ounce of love and "oumph" of motivation to get together with people we love. I think that sometimes people get to this part of the year, start feeling icky, and think that they are alone in this feeling. I'm writing to tell you you're not. I know I will be making the extra effort to get out of the house, and if you need some one to hang out with do not hesitate to call me up, even if it's just to watch River Monsters or something.

Love, cheer and Joy to you all!

And Happy Hanukkah starting tomorrow!!!

Love, Leigh

Enough is Enough.

2010-11-22T00:13:00.000-08:00

There have been some key instances in my young life where I learned what happens when my expectations for people I care about come crumbling down before my young eyes.

For instance when I was in 10th grade a handful of my friends started smoking pot and I was NOT happy about it. I might have said a few choice words and handled it poorly, both sides over reacted and I lost some perfectly good friends...for about 3 months. Then we all came to our senses. I learned that I need to pick my battles.

11th grade I had a girl I'd been best friends with since kindergarten drop off the face of my planet, start abusing drugs and only calling me out of the blue for rides. I didn't talk to her for a couple years until I realized maybe she needed my reaching out to. Wrote her a heart felt letter, cut her to the quick, now she's on the right path (not really because of me).

But my question is:

As adults, as Christians, as caring, loving, understanding, close friends, what is our breaking point?

When do we speak up when it comes to people you love abusing their bodies, taking abuse in a relationship be it physical or psychological, or even just abusing the code of friendship? How many times should it take before we speak up and say "No, enough is enough".

After the first sign? The second instance? The third? Just when we start noticing? Should we say anything at all? Ever?

"If you loved me you'd let me be."

"My life is my life!"

"You have no place."

"I don't want to talk about it."

Where do the responsibilities to our friends begin

These are questions I've been struggling with for a while and have recently been struggling with daily.

When I was a kid I had an extremely low tolerance for such matters. Me and my sisters caught my Mom smoking behind our house one day, the cigarette was immediately snatched from her hand and stomped upon dramatically and what ever cigarettes were remaining were found and disposed of. I was maybe 7 and I never saw her smoke again. I think inside I still have this same gut reaction but as I am an adult I ask myself questions like "has this person made a commitment to quit smoking? Is it my place to say anything? Do they want/need my help? etc.". Because, hey, it's easier to just ignore it anyways, right?

sigh.

I think when it comes down to it I have to look to the Big Guy for this one. After all he puts our options before us and then gives us infinite chances to get it right "70x7". Loves us unconditionally and is waiting there when we get it right. Not to mention there is a log in my eye I've yet to get out. ...

I try my best to do good by this, but my nerves are shot.

The Bible's GOT to say something about getting the go to meddle, it should be in here somewhere *flip flip flip*.

Anyone?

Radiohead - Kid A

2010-11-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

This album still helps me breath deeper, think deeper, feel deeper.

I've recently dusted it off and gave it a good listen again. I think it's been a while only because I played it so many gosh darn times for years after I discovered it. Listening to it now it's still just as powerful to me.

When I was 15/16 I refused to listen to Radiohead because I thought Tom Yorke's voice was too whinny, I didn't listen to Nirvana for similar reasons. There was one day when I finally got it. I believe it was during a ride home after Jazz Band from our guitar player Chris Rue, he had been telling me about it for a while and finally made me listen, and thank God he did.

I have a very good and detailed memory of sitting in the little apartment above my best friend Katie's Garage out in the middle of the heavily wooded Gates Mills, OH and listening to Kid A on full volume in the dark, the only thing to focus on was the lights from the stereo. This near out of body experience was broken only by laughter only after Katie muttered "I feel like i'm on a spaceship". But it does make you feel that way, doesn't it? Like you're zipping through the cosmo's at varying speeds? And for two classically trained musician nerds it was just the trip our brains were looking for.

Kid A would be the gateway drug into a world that I hadn't tapped into yet, having been cuffed to my boom box by album after live album of Dave Matthews Band music.

I seem to remember specific points in my life when my friends introduced me to music that would take me to that next plane of understanding. Like when my friend Ben saw that I needed a heavy dose of good tunes and invited me over to burn album after album of tunes that would open my eyes, (ie- AIR's Talkie Walkie, numerous Stereolab albums, The Bad Plus, Brad Meldeau, Waltz for Koop, etc.). Even a short moment when my friend Craig had me listen to Juana Molina's Segundo just asking "Do you like this?" my eye's wide I respond "What is this?".

At that age me and kids like me were always looking for the newest sound, it was like a drug in one way and a contest in others. Eventually I grew out of it and lightened up in my pursuit of the new and the interesting. I come across things now and then and I'm still the go to girl for some friends seeking new tunes. But surely I'm not as intense about it as my friends Ben and Craig still are.

But still, I can honestly say Radiohead's Kid A changed my life musically. Listening to it now I'm falling in love all over again.

Self inflicted Music.

2010-10-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

For some reason I love the concept of musicians getting hurt as a result of being so into the music they're making that they can't stop even if it's inflicting injury.

When I was a kid and I heard about Flea playing bass so hard that he had to put glue over the intense bloody blisters he got as a result, I was impressed. I thought, "Wow! He must play really hard! Why would anyone - that's crazy - whoa!". Now that I've played bass for a number of years now that's like..."Oh....yeah....that happens."

When I was touring Sweden and Austria with my University Jazz bands we were playing one to two shows a day and it did a number on my fingers. By the 4th or 5th show the tour guides son was being sent to the store to get me some super glue (cuz God knows what I would have ended up with not being able to read Swedish). And yes, I had to put a layer of super glue over my red, bleeding, pussing, raw blisters that had formed on my middle and index finger. But it wasn't

weird or gross, it was just something that I had to go through to get the job done. I get blisters all the time, it's just become an extension of being a bass player.

When I met Esperanza Spalding I made sure to ask to see her fingers, of course they were callused and red and blistered, beautiful. All a part of being a dedicated bass player.

Guitar players can usually avoid this by using pics.

Drummers, however, beat them selves up on a daily basis. Blood on a snare drum is a regular occurrence.

One of my favorite photo's that I've taken is of my friend Ben's fingers after he's played a show. knuckles cut up and bloody. Followed by another photo of his forearm, bruised and red, all part of being an impassioned drummer.

These injuries are gross to people who don't understand that these things are part of the gig, and that's amusing to me. I love these photo's because usually the messages taken from such images is one of anger or sadness. For these people, it's one of passion.

Can we say, "Leigh's new photo project". I think so.

An artist doesn't stop.

2010-10-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was talking to my best friend Katie about this and that. The skinniness and tonedness of her older sister came up and Katie, who is a professional Classical Bassoonist said this. (and I'm paraphrasing)

"I mean she has such a cushy job though, (she's a lawyer in London or something) she can come into around 10 or 11 and always leaves before 7 and then she's done! She can go home and work out or whatever and doesn't have to think about work anymore. Unlike an artist where what you do consumes your life 24/7, it's hard to fit in a work out."

Now while Kate is required to practice every night for hours and make reeds whenever possible, not all artists are as physically restricted from exercising as musicians can be.

But I do agree that creative persons can never truly escape their "Job" and most of the time don't want to. Where people with a more "Type A" kind of job have the ability to go to work, come home and forget about whatever profession it is that they have. Of course there are some exceptions, but I'm pretty sure accountants don't think about accounting all night and all weekend.

This is why artists who are lucky enough find jobs in the artistic field barely sleep until a project is finished, (i.e. working on an album, film, play, etc.) and artists who don't have a job in their field use every ounce of their spare time to work on artistic endeavors.

Personally, I know that I will not be happy if I don't have a career that is in some way creative. And I think that's a mind set that most if not all artists I know have.

So there's that.

New Blog/ RIP

2010-10-12T20:44:00.001-07:00

I made another blog today called "Look At What I Made Today" that will have a post each day of something I made. Check it out:

http://lookatwhatimadetoday.blogspot.com/

This blog will remain for my ramblings.

On a sad note:

My Grandfather Robert Rickert Died the Sunday after Thanksgiving my senior year of High School. He was an amazing man, a story teller, seriously wouldn't stop telling jokes and stories. He was tall and lanky like me and always said "You're slender, not skinny". I recently watched a home movie from 1987 when him and my grandmother were visiting us at our home in Texas, he was playing a pretend game with us where we made a string grow between us and then played jump rope with it, he was always a creative instigator. I miss him.

Recently his best friend Edwardo passed away, a man that my Grandfather waited to see before dying the same night. I remember him by the stories he would tell me and my sisters about catching my Mom sneaking out of the house at night back in the 70's, and from him reading me and my sisters stories in Spanish.

Two great men that are surely missed.

RIP

Wanting to exist in the space in between

2010-09-12T20:23:00.000-07:00

There is a time of day that is like no other:

I've brushed my teeth and put on my pj's, set my alarm and kissed Ryan good night. My ear plugs go in and i lay in bed trying to go to sleep. Then what happens between that time i roll over and the time i fall asleep is what i wish had been happening all day. That time is when the ideas start to show up.

Soon my brain is like a dream like interactive poster board filled with amazing images, designs, song ideas, stories, even fall fashion collections, all things that only exist in my mind, all images that you cannot google, all so complex that turning on the light and scribbling something down wouldn't do them justice. But I guess for now I'll do my best.

I want to exist in this space all day. This limbo between waking and sleeping where all my idea's seem too flow freely out into my conscience mind. During the day I am so distracted or if I'm not I want to be, I get lonely so quick that I turn to the internet or i turn to the television, why can't I just put my ear plugs in, close my eyes and return to the space in between?

I have a memo recorder filled with song idea's, a head filled with photo shoot concepts, and a note book filled with stories, an eye filled with fashion lines and yet something in me stops it from going any further. It all stops just after it leaves my finger tips, or just before, terrified of going any further. What does it take to make it go the extra step.

Does this fit into any job description you've ever heard of?

I want to exist in that space between, where anything is possible and my idea's flow with limitless freedom.

Tomorrow is going to be nothing like today.

(excuse the hippie, trippy psycho babble shit, I just rolled out of bed to write this.

"You're surrounded, come out with your hands blinged out and cradling a baby."

2010-06-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

I guess it's the age I am.

But it seems like a large portion of the people I know that are in or around the area of my age are either hitched or hitched and preggers.

I am not either of those things but I have to admit that I do THINK about those things. And I didn't for a long time. And while thinking about the silhouette of my future wedding dress and an appropriate family name for a future child are fun (and for some reason suddenly not overwhelming), if I close my eyes and place myself in this "Married with Children" life, I feel confused.

Probably because it doesn't work with my life right now. I was always confused when people said "There are so many things i want to accomplish before I get married/have kids" because I thought 'why not accomplish them while married with kids?' but now I feel like I get it.

It's not that everything is impossible when you're married and have kids, it's just that it takes a little longer and a lot more money.

I still hold on to this idea that at some point in my late 20's I'll be a little more self actualized than I am right now. Maybe not totally, but just less confused than i am right now. I have a lot of ideas about who I am supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing for a living and for my community but it needs to be a little more clearer before i can settle down.

So I feel like I'm on the other side of the rope right now, that there is this group of people i know that have ducked under this rope and have a new frame of mind and a different way of looking at life and thinking about themselves. Children do this more than marriage does i think, although marriage effects your mind set too, or so I'm told.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it makes me feel weird. I love looking at your babies and your wedding photo's but i don't want that life yet.

I want to get an amazing career off the ground, i want to travel a lot more, I want to give of myself to the community and to my creativity as much as possible with out having to focus on a little person.

So for now I suppose i'll just put my blinders up and try not to feel pressured into going about things in a way that I'm not ready for.

Then again I always told myself that i would NEVER live with a guy until (or right before) we got married...life goes how it wants to.

When I feel like I don't need you

2010-06-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

I'll be going to church in a little while.

I didn't always think that you didn't have to feel the presence of God in order to fully experience and follow him. That would be quite a difficult thing for me to do as I battle bouts of anxiety and depression, things that make you feel rather empty and alone. No, I realized in high school that even when you don't feel like he's there he still is. whether you like it or not. Even when you don't feel like you need him, you do.

The past two years since I left North Park with out having finished my degree (which I have since finished) have been a struggle, financially, emotionally, but never spiritually. It seems that when I'm in the most trouble that's when i feel the most taken care of, that's when I feel the most blessed. Because despite all my best efforts, I'm surrounded by people that want to help and care for me and about me deeply, what a blessing! And When I was living in France and I was alone and not surrounded by anyone i knew or loved, I was with God and I felt closer to him than I ever had.

Now I live with Ryan, I get a pretty good pay check every week and I am surrounded by good friends constantly. I'm almost never alone or with out the things that I want/need. And I feel less of a need for God in my life. It's not that the desire is completely gone, mentally I know I still need him. It's a tricky thing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that being comfortable isn't great for your spiritual life, at least not mine. But I need to find a way to have both in my life, stability and spirituality, because i'm not going to be twenty something forever.

I'm going to church in a little while, like I try to do every weekend. I continue to boldly be a part of my community through Berry UMC and through the various childcare I do for it's members.

He's still there though.

Do you have what it takes?

2010-05-06T23:00:00.001-07:00

What do you have to say for yourself?

I'm not Edgar Meyer, but gosh I wish I was. To be able to pick one thing and just focus on THAT so you can do it better than everyone else in the entire world, that's amazing. Edgar Meyer did just that, as well as countless other artists musical or otherwise. As I've grown older in the art/music/theater world I have come to see what it takes to excel, and I might have to come to terms with the fact that I don't have all of the pieces that it takes. Discipline being the major factor in artistic success, something I lack in a major way. The ability to sit down and practice your craft every single day in an almost meditative state is a blessing not every musician has. I suppose that is something that can be learned, but don't you have to be disciplined enough to learn it? It happens all too often that I'll be talking to a friend about a favored musician or actor and the conversation will usually end with, "Yeah but I hear he/she is a real ass hole" or "He/she is full of themselves" to which my response has become "That seems to be a common denominator in successful musicians/ actors" because if you don't believe in what your doing 100% and don't think what your doing is better than anything else out there right now, you might not get farther than your grandma's living room, and by Grandma's living room I mean some DIY space in Chicago. And unless that’s you goal…

After my experience with the Classical music scene in High school while being part of the Cleveland Orchestra Youth Orchestra, I decided it wasn't for me. A large majority people in that crowd have the kind of personality that compares to that of a black widow. And while I've met many a classical musician of which that is not true (My best friend Kate Brooks and my old Bass teacher Cleveland Orchestra asst. Principal bassist Kevin Switalski) most found that in order to move up: choose your friends and who you sleep with wisely, put others down, compete compete compete, back stab. Not something I could stick with much farther past high school. Yet, These people can't imagine doing anything else with their lives, hence we get some amazing musicians like Edgar Meyer, people who created their own way and couldn't help but be brilliant.

My boyfriend (the badass seen above) is a guitar player in a band, "God and the Architects" They're good, you should check them out. They play around Chicago at least once a month and frequently make trips back to Michigan to play shows in their home town of Jackson. They play a fun sort of Rock and Roll music. Every once in a while I'll here Ryan say something like "Making it big is all about luck", too which I (possibly annoyingly) reply. "Weeeelll it's not ALL about luck, it's not even all about Talent". What is it about? People have written books on this subject, and while I can't say I've read any other them I can only imagine that they say it has a lot to do with persistence and the right self promotion and these days that can come in many forms. These days we have the internet, which can be used in soooo many ways. And I hear way too many of my "Too cool for social networking on the internet" friends talk about how twitter and facebook and similar sites are "So lame and impersonal" guess what, that's where people are going to hear about you, because that's where the majority of everyone is. If you want people to know who you are, get over yourself and get a twitter account. So while God and the Architects is a Very good band and a handsome group of young gentlemen, the members of this band aren't all 100% committed to their band becoming big. I don't know if that's something they want, but the fact that most of them are pursuing other career paths communicates to me that this is just a hobby. (Love you Ryan)

The people I know that are around my age and beginning to find some kind of success in the music world are people that (in no particular order):

a) Have either fought through the bullshit or are a part of it

b) Have an account on every kind of social networking site there is be it geared toward musicians or just anyone.

c) Can’t imagine doing ANYTHING ELSE as a career.

d) Take every opportunity thrown at them – Whether it be at a home town spring festival or a year long job on a cruise ship.

e) Work with any and every musician that shows an interest in working with them. Eventually something will click.

I should also mention that most of these people went to school in order to become a musician, part of the "I can’t imagine doing anything else” quota. But this isn’t to say that people who didn’t go to school for music can’t be successful, they just might have to work a little harder to find the network and tools necessary to succeed.

Now, I would say I’m a musician, and while I am in a band I don’t have any dreams about getting big with them (Sorry Joel) it’s more of a fun thing to do sometimes. I see myself getting a career in something that is a bit more stable (ie. production), I suppose that has my high levels of anxiety to thank. I thank my lucky stars that my Parents supported me in my pursuit of the arts, sent me to nerdy music camps, gave me lessons with the top bass players in Cleveland, pushed me to pay for a good portion of my schooling by playing the bass for my University. The fact that they invested time and money into me being a musician is something that gives me joy and a little guilt, because I look at Edgar Meyer and I wonder…could I have done that? And who knows, maybe with a little time and a lot of effort I could, but is that what I want to do?

Every once in a while i’ll be listening to music with Ryan and I’ll say “If I had a band, this is the kind of music I would want to make”.

If. Maybe that should become a when. At this point, what’s realistic?

I feel like now is a good time to plug all my musician and Actor/writer type friends out there, serious or otherwise.

God and the Architects

Abbotts Smile

The Clams

The Tim Lowly Ensemble

(I wish Kate Brookes had a website)

Please do not fail to check all of them out. Most, if not all, of my favorite music and theater is made by people I know personally. The reason behind that is probably a-whole-nother blog post.

Love

Leigh

Joking with strangers.

2010-04-06T19:31:00.001-07:00

A rough transcript of the conversation that took place between me and the security guard at the John Hancock building today.

Characters;

Leigh - A tall white girl in her mid 20's on her way to a focus group.

Security Guard - A Tall Black man in his mid 40's taking people from the security desk to the elevator.

Security Guard: (noticing my fingernails as I sign in) Man! Those Nails are blue!

Leigh: (looking at her nails) indeed they are, Blue.

SG: It looks like smurfs, it looks like a bunch of smurfs came and polished your nails to a shine.

Leigh: They ARE kind of a smurf color ARENT they! I never really thought of that.

SG: Man those are the smurfiest colored nails I have ever seen. It's like Papa smurf did your nails.(leading me over to the elevators so he can key card me up)

Leigh: (After a bit of a pause. Looking at my nails) I should get little white hats for all my fingers-

SG: No.

Leigh: No? Haha.

SG: No, (shaking his head) I can't believe you said that.

Leigh: I crossed a line.

SG: You went too far.

Leigh: I pushed the boundary line with that one.

Both: Laughing

Leigh: Well have a good day!

SG: You too now!

It's little conversations like that with complete strangers that I cherish. haha.

Rock and Roll model

2010-04-05T18:02:00.000-07:00

An Excerpt from an Interview with Patti Smith from Interview Magazine.

A pretty accurate explanation of how the artist mind works.

SMITH: I can’t answer that. I mean, I know it got me. The question for me wasn’t if art got us. The question was, “Do we regret that?” I know art got us, because if art gets you, you never can be normal. You can never enjoy. You can’t go anywhere without trying to transform it, you know? You go into church to pray, and you start writing a story about being in a church praying. You’re always observing what you do. I noticed that when I was young going to parties. I could never lose myself in a party unless I was on the dance floor because I was always observing—observing or creating a mental scenario. That’s why performing is probably the truest thing I do socially, because everything is natural. There’s nothing fake in the way that my band performs. We’re always in the moment, communicating with people. I’m not the greatest in social situations. But onstage, my whole reason for being there is to serve, so I’m giving everything of myself that I know how.

Also might I add that according to this interview Patti didn't drink heavily or do drugs or smoke (although she pretended to). What a relief that you can still be a valued artist and not be associated with those things....

My Fathers Daughter

2010-04-05T14:38:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was to attend an Easter Pot Luck dinner with some friends. And having no money to go out and buy something for the occasion i was forced to get creative with what i had in my kitchen and I came up with something pretty spectacular.

I Made a Salad that consisted of the following

Chicken from a whole roast Chicken I took home after our Church meal last Thursday

Grapes, Apples, Cashews and Rasins also left over from that meal

The Remainder of almonds I had in the pantry

The remainder of Cous cous I had in the pantry

The remainder of spinach i had in the crispter

and a good amount of apple cider vinegar that belongs to one of my roommates.

So, want an awesome salad recipe?

Varying amounts of the following:

baby spinach

Grapes

Chopped Apples

Raisins

Almonds

Cashews

Cous cous

cubed chicken peices

Apple cider vinegar

I titled this "My Fathers Daughter" because this is the kind of mentality he taught me. "Make due with what you have", he always managed to make some pretty awesome meals by using up what was left in the kitchen, and that was for 6 people! It's a good skill to have, and I'm glad to have it. Now I'm making chicken broth out of the bones from the chicken I used yesterday, also something my father doesn't miss a chance to do. I miss my Dad.

Much love to all.

Circular brains connecting cyclically.

2010-03-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

How my brain works, the brain of an artist, is a mystery. Maybe not to psychologists or scientists or maybe not even my parents....but to me, it's a mystery to me. Why do most of my idea's for paintings come from anxiety attacks? Why do I feel closest to God when I'm at a stinky crowded noisy show? Every once in a while I'll come across a painting or a piece of music or a movie and I'll think "Oh my goodness that's exactly how I see the world". This happened when I saw "The Science of Sleep" Directed by Micheal Gondry, This is why I connect with many of the Wes Anderson films, because of the way he shoots things (i.e. paying close attention to detail, making colors pop, take/double take shots). This is what happened when I discovered Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele and it's even how I feel when I look at Tim Lowly's paintings. I experience these things and I know some one out there see's the world the same way I do, this is refreshing when you can't relate to most of the kind of art the media is saturated with.

Every once in a while I'll go on www.vimeo.com and check out the favorites posted on the front page, this leads me on a path that is full of some amazingly animated short films. Recently I came across "La Fete" by Malcom Sutherland. This short is about a celebration in Quebec involving quite the eclectic crowd, and when I watched it I got that feeling, I thought "This is exactly how my brain processes a crowd". It's quite amazing, check it out.

La Fete (HD - 2010) from Malcolm Sutherland on Vimeo.

This is all relating to visually experienced art, and although I didn't include Theater in this post it can some times apply to shows I see....but I think watching theater is about something else. Something else that must be talked about at a different time.

As far as how this relates to music...well since I see the world through music and through rhythm on a near constant basis it's a little different, so to hear a piece of music and think "This is how I see the world" doesn't happen as often as maybe hearing a piece of music and feeling "This is how I feel the world". Does that make sense?

I do this, and I think most other people like me do this, where they pass a book or a movie or a painting or music on a person not only because it is "good" to them, but it effects them in a way that might explain to that person what makes them tick. One of the fabulous ways art can be used, as a tool to better understand the people around us, and how they see the world. Isn't that amazing?

I think that's really F**king amazing.

To Do: Funemployment

2010-03-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

It's nice to finally have time to look at a "To Do" list and accomplish the things on that list. From Jan to the first week in March I was going going going from 8 am - 11 pm.

Wake up, work, class, rehearsal, rehearsal, go home, sleep repeat >

That all changed a little over a week ago when the play I was directing went up and closed, when the Theater season i was working for ended and the play I am acting in ended rehearsals as it opened. Not to mention I had spring break from classes last week. I'm experiencing something people all over the country can relate to, going from 60 - 0 in seconds. Now I find myself back at home in an all too familiar position, looking for work and trying to keep myself busy enough not to nap all day.

I'm lucky that I'm a creative type, because that means finding things to do isn't particularly difficult. I've started working on a painting, I'm looking to work more on writing children's books and plays, and there is no end to the musical projects I can involve myself in.

Some people aren't so lucky, some people are good at the thing you can get paid for, and not much else.

Some people don't enjoy listening to NPR all day as much as I do.

Some people don't have a fluffy dog to snuggle with when they get lonely.

Some people don't have 4 roommates to clean up after when there's nothing else to do.

So really I'm lucky...

So.

To Do:

Finish Reading Bone

Learn how to play a song on Ryan's pretty new Guitar

Finish that painting

Secure a new apartment

Do some of Darcie's Dishes for her

Apply for that Job Joe referred me to.

Clean my room

File state taxes

Put away excessive winter clothing

I filed my federal taxes today and I will disclose to you that last year I made a little less than 50% of what is considered the poverty Threshold for a single person under the age of 65. This made me pretty mopey because, especially with in the past two months, I have been worked to the bone. Then I thought about it and I talked to The-Big-Man-Upstairs and I realized how this number says nothing about how valued I am, this Number speaks volumes to the blessings I've received, and this number only proves the fact that God Will provide, for there is not one day where I went hungry or with out a place to sleep. I contribute that to my parents and to being part of a pretty amazing community.

Having a community is pretty important to Funemplyment I think.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? - Matthew 6:26

I want i want I want me me me me now now now now mine mine mine mine

2010-03-03T08:57:00.000-08:00

I want it to be spring already. I want to hear the air outside my window fill with humidity and pressure and birds clamoring to sing louder than that f**king dog next door.

I want to be able to go to the doctor when I see that my surgery scare opened up over night. I don't want to have to wonder "Can I afford Rent, Gas and a trip to the doctor this month?"

I want not to be angry at my employers for taking advantage of young struggling theater professionals by paying them less than 8 dollars an hour when there's no way for them to afford health insurance and little time for them to take on a second job.....but hey it's money right?

At the Gala last night, heard over our radios:

"J to front of house staff, does anyone have a 20 we can lend to a patron to get home?"

"J, we work at Chicago Shakespeare Theater, none of us have a 20."

"Copy "We-don't-pay-you-enough".

I want to sleep all the way through the night. Just once.

I want that grey double breasted Burberry coat I saw when I was working coat check last night.

I want there to be more jobs for everyone.

I want to not be such a whiner...

I want to start a Blog that's for more than just complaining.

Why are pretty things so expensive?

2010-02-02T16:20:00.000-08:00

Tibi Dress.

I'm really Busy again

2010-01-21T21:39:00.000-08:00

Like, 13 hour day's busy...

It's good because I'm doing a whole lot of stuff in the direction of what I care deeply about.

It's bad because I'm so exhausted by the end of each day that I just want to cry and listen to AIR.

Thank God for Boyfriends who buy you roses when the tear's do come and who bake pies for when you finally come home just to hear you make yummy noises.

And Thank God for Tommy Wiseau who made a movie that is so halariously quotable.

And Thank God for Theater, Music and Photography.

And I have to get up in 6 hours why am I still awake. Good night.

Photo Credit: Matthew Schaffer.

Orange juice and Lysol Sanatizing wipes.

2010-01-05T11:43:00.000-08:00

I saw Avatar on my Date with Ryan the other night. i have this to say about it:

Ok....yeah ok it was pretty, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen, save for the two exit signs that were TOTALLY ruining my 3-D experience by adding unnecessary glare....safety my butt. But....come on..."I see you"?, come on creative team! It was so long though, that I could probably honestly say I enjoyed a good hour and 45 minutes of it, the other parts, I get to be critical of.

Like, how old hat is it so demonize the military. I mean I'm not like a HUGE fan of the army and I'm sure not ALL the choices they make are morally stable, HOWEVER I would like to imagine that in the year 2154 we would have the brains to deal with new civilizations in an intelligent way. You can't honestly expect me to believe that the U.S military came upon a planet with humanoid natives and went "pushy Violence/Mass genocide, works every time!" as if they forgot everything about the birth of their own country and many others. I can't believe that after thousands of years to develop a perfectly viable sector of the military they would have people in charge that would go "Science and valid information baaaad, Violence and ignorance goooood".....it wasn't believable hence making it all the more obvious that this was an allegory for something......else.

Also during the movie Ryan leaned over and told me that the main girl Na'vi reminded him of me.....simply because I'm tall. On that same note, the main avatar reminded me of my friend Blaze....simply because he is tall...I should also add that he is a talented musician with a new(ish) band called "The can't tells" Check them out.

What did your Mother tell you.

2009-12-01T20:53:00.000-08:00

While I was in Moreland Hills this past week, I did a lot of much needed slummin with my family and with Kate's family. Nice.

My Mom mentioned to me that I should start focusing on two things to blog about, Fashion and Music. I guess those are two things I really love. But there's one more thing I love that she didn't mention I write about, theater/film etc. and the below will have to do with that. My mom said that since I go to shows all the time I should talk about what I thought about the show, and hopefully some one will notice. My mom thinks I'm a good writer, I write in a very "Matter of fact way" she says. Well it means a lot to me when she compliments me because she is a writer herself, and a damn good one. So....why not.

Let me start with this:

I just saw Twilight: New Moon, for reasons other than the desire to see Twilight. Ya see, I've been away from the city for about a week and I hadn't seen my best buddy Darcie for a while so I wanted to take this opportunity to hang with her since she was headed to the movie anyways with Jocelyn (another roommate/twilight fanatic) and Andreanna. It's 6 dollar Tuesdays/free popcorn, at the showtime kerasotes movie theater in Logan square and Darcie's boyfriend Stephen was giving us a discont on Potbellys, so we could eat it in the theater...so I thought "Why the fuck not, cheap food, good friends, cheap movie and it'll be a pop culture experience." And I saw it.

Holy shit. This movie was not only bad, it was soul crushingly bad. Never has a movie illicited a feeling so close to slitting my wrists. This girl, Bella, is a peice of meat! And she's weak and a sucker for guys with their shirts off that are mysterious and probably a monster of some kind. She get's hurt way too often (physically and emotionally), she's basically a masochist, and the worst part is, I don't believe that she is in love with either of these weirdy part monster guys. Now I must admit that I never read the books, and Darcie said every time she heard me say "The fuck?" she thought to herself, "Yeah, you'd have to read the book to understand". Well that shouldn't have to be the case....I'll discuss that later. No one is ever happy in this movie, even when they're reunited with a loved one, everyone is still dark and brooding and (vomit) ...sorry it just came up. It wasn't beilevable to me that anyone loved anyone in this movie, it was all so "This is how it is.....i guess". The only person that made me believe that he loved another human/vampire/wearwolf was Bellas Dad Charlie, and Bella screws him over way too often. When it came down to it I didn't really care what happened to Bella or Edward or Jacob, really just Charlie who is in about 1/3rd of the movie. The tension wasn't tense, the love wasn't passionate, it was all just:

"No you can't!"

"But you don't understand, I have to and I can't tell you why"

"I wish you could"

When I express this to my roommates they say "You wouldn't understand why we love it because you haven't read the books"......ok. No I haven't read the books. And I haven't read The Harry Potter books, and I never read The lord of the rings or the Chronicles of Narnia or any of those other movie Sagas that were first literary accomplishments in their day. And to be honest I'm not really a fantasy or a sci fi reading kind of girl, it's a personal preferance, I go for the creative non-fiction or just non-fiction. But guess what...just because the book series was succesful DOES NOT mean that the MOVIE get's a free pass to SUCK! Now, not all of the Harry Potter Movies sucked (although I haven't seen all of them) and NONE of the LOTR movie's sucked and so far the Narnia movies have been great, and it's not like any of these books/movies really compare but...I'm just trying to say there's no excuse. These Twilight people have taken advantage of a Story that is probably very good and made it into a movie that is half assed and under developed because they knew that people would come and see this movie anyway they made it, they didn't have to care because they knew they'd make a killing in the box office because there is a built in following, and in the name of respecting a peice of "art"....well that makes me a little sick.

The sound of the blood hitting the ground made me laugh out loud.

Now, Things that this movie was good for:

1) Pretty shots of the Pacific North West, I still have never been and the shots of it in this movie made me lust after it a bit

2) Boys with their shirts off; Gave this bored little girl some eye candy.

3) Like many other movies that have been made from a book series that have a built in following, it gave Hollywood a chance to give new life to old and possibly stale acting careers, and it breaks new actors and new faces into a scene that uses Brad Pitt and Jessica Beil a little too often...let's hope we soon see Robert Pattinson in roles that don't involve him constantly looking like he's eatin something awful/seen a ghost/is shitting himself.

4) There was a new Radiohead, Lykke Li and Bon Iver song in there I really liked.

An example of boys with their shirts off with some "He couldn't tell me because he's sexy and mysterious"

So while this movie was BAAAAAD and my eyes Widen in disbelief as my roommate Jocelyn cheered with glee after just having seen a favored book of hers butchered on the alter of Pop culture, at least Washington is Pretty, Potbellys will always be good and I rarely pass up a chance to giggle next to one of my best friends during a movie.

strummy strummy

2009-11-13T12:07:00.001-08:00

Some notes:

There's a fine line between boring strummy stummy music and beautiful strummy strummy music. If you're a guy and you are playing an acoustic guitar please:

a) Make your chords/finger picking/pace exciting

b) Have a good voice or have some one who Does have a good voice sing for you.

c) Shower.

Prove me wrong, impress me I dare you.

Nerd

2009-11-05T12:14:00.000-08:00

I feel kind of unbelievably materialistic and nerdy about clothes sometimes. To make myself feel better I consider my interest in fashion and looking nice and having Men look nice to be an artistic interest, fashion as art. It's not about brands, it's about beauty and creativity and having fun and getting excited about cashmere. :) So, even though I get a little anxious when I talk about fashion, because it involves spending money (and me possibly looking shallow?) I am going to talk about fashion a little bit and Nerd Out about the kind of look I would like to create for myself, even though i am some what of a camelion when it comes to a certain "style". For instance when me and Ryan were back in Moreland Hills, OH last month i put on Black Nike running leggings with my Nike running shoes and a white hooded shirt and a vest and he goes "You don't look like yourself, i've never seen you look so sporty before"...I dress differently in different environments i think.

First up, these awsome shoes: Even though i am tall, i think i may soon invest in some black heeled booties like these, because, well, they're hot. Although I cannot afford these because they are FRYE, i look forward to the day when i can afford a pair of Frye anything because they are always so beautifully and durably crafted. so I'm keeping my eyes peeled for a knock off version of these for now, because they'd go with almost anything and since I'm already taller than my boyfriend and he doesn't care at all (in fact he thinks my height adds to the fact that i am a "babe"), why not add a couple more sexy inches? Yes I think so.

So even though this young man is infact a young man, I envy his hair cut, like in a "I want to pull that off" kind of way. And I think i could, the only thing that stops me these days is the fact that I haven't had long hair like i do now for...most of my life, so I'd like to hold on to it till about mid summer? late spring? We'll see.

Things i like about his outfit: that Blazer! Fits him perfectly! my broad shoulders would make the seams burst, but if i could tailor it to my liking I'd steal it off him in a second.

Things i don't like about this outfit: how many religions are we talking about the necklaces here? I'm all for "co-existance" but seriously, stop mocking us.

I am a fan of the wrap dress. I am also a fan of bold patterns and classic peices, of which i think this is. I love the room in the sleeves and the length, because while i do have awesomely long legs, it's hard not to look like a hoochie when wearing anything to high above the knee which out leggings underneath. And who wants to wear leggings all the time!?...hhmm bad question?

Now this shade of green is not really one I'm usually drawn to, infact I'm not usually drawn to clothing that is green even though it's my favorite color. But the weight and the length and the detail and the pattern....such a lovely combination. I would love to put this on with my red/orange slouchy beenie and just boss actors around all day. I feel like I could be taken seriously in this while still seeming fun ;)

I am jealous of this girls forehead/hair combination. The only thing I'd like to take away from her outfit is that pretty pretty scarf. But i actually have one that's very similar that i bought in Vienna a couple years ago. (I love international city name dropping :) )

I hate biking in dresses, but I'd probably bike in that one, if only to just show it off.

This has been an old stand by of mine. Black blazer (i think this ones a little green/grey) white shirt, tight black (or jean) pants. A couple weeks ago one of the buttons popped off my favorite blazer so I have to fix that...but I'll probably abuse this combo till the day i die.

This is a style of dress i have yet to buy (God knows I've tried it on) I love this pattern and I usually like cowell necks too although i always feel a little overwhelmed with the combination of my long hair and a cowell neck because I feel like my face is being eaten by fabric and hair, which seems to be the style these days. At least in Chicago it'll keep me warm :)

Classic, comfy, take it off before you eat anything Leigh.

Ok so. I like pretty simple peices and muted colors most of the time, but what i always try to remember is that pop of color that makes it interesting. a hankie, a chunkie necklace, a purse. I think this woman is so pretty, i don't even care what pretty blouse she has on underneather that functional jacket....wait now i am.

Lastly, I need to invest in a pair of these. I love my off white high top chucks (Even though they take forever to put on) but i feel like some ankle high tennies are something that would contribute a lot to my wardrobe. Grey because I'm realistic, these puppies will get dirty. Also I've always wanted some PF flyers.....uh oh materialism...

AND NOW to nerd out about something Completely different. Ever seen the note book? remember that scruffy heart throb played by Ryan goesling? well apparently that kid can write some catchy shit and have kids dressed as ghosts and gouls sing along with him. I dig, i dig it like a ditch. (is that ever going to catch on?). So here are two songs by his band "Dead mans bones" that you are sure to enjoy.

I went to an open mic night last night with Ryan and some buds, and while the company was lovely two things pissed me off about the whole thing:

1) Everyone played the same acoustic guitar "strummy strummy' life is sad and beautiful crap

2) Not one of these musicians was a lady.

I hear this is just what happens at open mic nights, which makes me not ever want to go to any open mics....

Next time we go i think i shall rock out in front of the mic and tell a joke or two.

Love you.

It doesn't really matter where I am

2009-10-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

I woke up in my big, lonely, comfy-as-a-womb bed this morning with a split second thought of "Where the hell am I?" Most likely because I was dreaming about Moreland Hills, OH, and it was all too real. Most likely because you were in my dream and you live in New York. Most likely because You weren't in my bed when i opened my eyes and, well, you usually are.

It never fails, every 6 months or so I get the itch, an itch that tells me I shouldn't be where I am, that there's another place with a better life waiting for me...somewhere. This way of thinking comes with the good and comes with the bad. The good being that I can say I've lived in and visited places all around the world and across the country. Australia, France, Sweden, Austria, Switzerland, Chicago, Ohio...you think the itch would have been scratched by now. The bad being the anxt that comes from such a feeling. The feeling that you don't belong where you are and where you've been for most of the last 5 years of your life.

But...."Where ever I go there I am".

Church helps, a boyfriend helps, an abundance of good friends helps, a steady job probably would help if I had one...ah what a wrestless soul I have.

I haven't been in Chicago 12 straight months and already I'm thinking about up-rooting again. Not any time soon of course but definately before this time next year...

I am such a girl.

2009-09-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

Today I'm working at The Joyce Foundation which is right on Madison and Dearborn, a block away from State street, and since I eat throughout the day at the office I usually do a little window shopping in place of getting lunch. Today I found the two most beautiful peices I have come across in a while. This is what goes through a poor girls head when she's trying to justify buying two pieces of clothing that could pay her electic and gas bill for two months:

"You can't buy these Leigh, you're barely making rent this month"

"sure I can! I have a new job and I'm getting paid next week!'

"But you barely have any food in your kitchen"

'I can live off soup and peanut butter for the next month, if anything it'll help me look better in the clothes i buy!'

"Leigh you know you can't just eat that for a month"

"Ryan feeds me"

"don't even go there"

"But I waaaant it!"

"I know they're pretty but just put them back and you'll be glad to have that $150.00 safely in your bank"

"damn you conscience.....you're keeping me from looking good"

"I'm keeping you from being broke, hungry and estranged from your roommates."

"..."

"Ok?'

"ok...but I'm putting them on hold incase I win the lottery tonight or something'

"Great Comprimise'

'Shut up"

"ok"

...Gawd I can be such a girl.

Lack of Swoon in Chicago.

2009-08-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

There are few things in life that I love more than Men in well Tailored clothing. Sadly living in a city that is made up of what seems to be relocated farm/frat boys, I don't see them on the street that often. This morning getting off the Train at Jackson, however, I spotted one: finely tailored, freshly pressed, perfectly coordinated light grey thinly pin striped suit....I staaaared at him, gaping at the perfect length and width of his trousers, the suit jacket that FOR ONCE was not to big in the shoulders, the shoes that matched the belt. I seriously lost myself for a moment.

Come on guys of Chicago! Let's learn how to dress eh? If you want to have pretty girls like me audibily swoon as they stare at you in your nice clothes...learn how to dress! Working in the loop this week has opened my eyes to some sad sad realities...maybe it's because I'm not at the higher end of the loop? Wait...no there are no excuses. Although I guess that's what I get for wanting to live in a city as laid back as Chicago. Next week I'll be going to NYC, I'll be sure to catch up on my eye candy there, for now, thank God for the Sartorialist.

May I also just mention that i love seeing kids dress like fashionable adults. i don't usually like talking about "My Kids" because I don't like getting ahead of myself....but I must say that when I get the opportunity you better believe that my kids will dress like little adults. When I was in Paris last summer I saw a lot of this, little kids wearing more than just Pink and leggings.

Swoon.

Some DO like it stinkeye

2009-08-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

So I'm in this band and I think we're calling ourselves "Project Stink eye" but I kind of like just plain ole "stink eye" better....what do you think?

We played our first gig last Saturday for a fundraiser, and there was a great turn out for a 3:00 pm show. People seemed to like us and were a little surprised to see like a "serious" band at an improv fundraiser.... (all the others seemed to be solos or duets) Anyways, we sounded good, despite my amp cutting out half way through. Me and Joel sang some pretty harmonies and I had a lot of fun slapping my bass.

I've been having a hard time writing in this blog lately. Maybe because I have almost nothing exciting to write about, maybe because things are so crazy and strange that they're a little too odd to be writing in this blog, maybe I need to start being more candid with this thing, then you'd REALLY know how odd I am.

Like the fact that this week I'm helping run Vacation Bible school at my church, but come Friday and Saturday I'll be stage managing a show that involves magic, contortionists, fire eaters and burlesque dancers. Well....Jesus loves them all.

Day time and Night time.

Pandora just popped up "Where is my mind" by the Pixies....very fitting.

I have been feeling very un-Leigh lately.....or maybe I'm finally acting like myself after a summer of feeling alienated....gawd who knows. All I know is that my life recently has involved odd sleeping hours, Dark Dark Warehouse rock and roll shows flask of whiskey in hand, Drinking boxed wine back stage with ladies after they've stripped down to only pasties and booty shorts, Volunteering at my church, working 12 hour days a week straight for a Psychoanalytical conference and learning how to be a single dating person......finally.

My two little sisters are coming to visit/go to Lolapalooza this week. I'm stoked....hopefully they wont be too weirded out by my life here.

The guy in the painting is giving a stink eye if I ever saw. A guy I met this weekend named Nathaniel Loman did it. So give credit where it is due.

No one cares when you talk about your Dreams

2009-07-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

So if you know me very well at all you know that I'm rather affected by my dreams, I think this mostly has to do with the fact that I remember them so clearly and I think THAT has to do with the fact that I'm such a light sleeper and I wake directly out of REM sleep. Seriously all you have to do to wake me up is say "Leigh" and I'll go "What?", and if I don't respond I'm probably just pretending...

People think it's bull crap that certain things in your dream may represent what is happening in your waking life, but for me it all ends up working out. And when people tell you their dreams they're really telling you the deepest depths of their soul through a story, and telling a story is a much easier way to convey your emotions rather than just saying "My life is too overwhelming and I'm terrified of failing". So instead we hear a story about a Blue row boat docked in a harbor outside your window and a parking lot that you ran through till you got to a room filled with your family and friends that was next to a pool that you jumped into and started to drown in. Because when you tell a story like that you think you're just telling it because it "was just so weird" when really you're exposing yourself like you wouldn't otherwise.

seriously, go to www.dreammoods.com and in the little "Interpret" box type in one by one:

Blue

rowboat

parking lot

family

Drowning

and you'll know what the story I just told you is really about.

Finding Worth at what age

2009-06-30T13:05:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a kid the other day, a kid that is engaged mind you, a 19 year old kid who is on the brink of entering his 20's and desperately trying to get his shit together before he's responsible for the well being of his wife. He's a drummer and he decided that if his band/studio isn't off the ground and/or famous by the time he's 24 then he's going to give up and get a "real" job. I chuckled to myself at the thought of 24 being an age where people NEED to have their shit together, which in his case might be true, but I told him. "Dude, 24 is still really young, I'm 23 and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I want to be when I grow up."

It's too bad that young adults are fed this Idea that you need a "back up" in case what you really want to do doesn't work out, I think it keeps people from giving their 100 %, and (in my case) spreads people too thin. But anyways. 24 isn't it, you can still work towards your goals after that point, although it's good to have goals. But I think the idea of having an age limit is unnecessary. I mean my uncle didn't realize that he wanted to be a nurse until well into his 50's.

So here I am, an unemployed creative type in her 20's trying to find some value that she has to her community. And because a persons worth is usually attributed to their job or their responsibility to their family or significant other...I'm at a loss. I mean, I have things to do, I've assigned myself tasks, I have an internship and musical and otherwise creative endeavors, but no set schedule, no boyfriend or car or even a bike or a 9 to 5 and a bank account that is less than pleasing. So I find myself wondering how I can feel valued with out the things that I have been taught give me value as a young woman in society.

So let's see, I suppose I am valued as a:

Daughter

Sister

Friend

Musician

....I guess

I guess what I'm trying to say is: I would never want to re-live my 20's. especially my early 20's.

When I told the kid this he acted suprised saying, "Really?!"

I just said, "Yeah dude, you'll see. It's the age where you grow up and have no Idea what to do and realize nobody else has a clue either."

Life is funny

2009-06-23T10:12:00.001-07:00

And thankfully I have the ablity to laugh.

I have recently gotten a very exciting internship with Mo Roses production company. They put on shows like this:

Mom and Dad are so proud :)

I've been back in Chicago now for 6 months. Most of the time searching for jobs and things to keep me afloat. I've been trying to figure out what direction I should go in when I want to focus on both of my passions equally (music and Theater) then PLOP this thing falls in my lap. It's perfect, it's fun, it's small, it's paid, it's combining two of my favorite things ;)

you could be a model.

2009-06-05T16:04:00.000-07:00

With one seat left she takes her place between a petite Mexican woman and a tall elderly man wearing what she imagines to be his denim uniform. As not to invade her neighbors personal space she leans forward and perches her elbows on her knees, not realizing that she's taken an almost photographic pose. The bus is absent of human voices until an old woman chimes shakily, "You're going to be a model, you're so tall and beautiful". Taken off guard, sheepishly she smiles and half whispers "Thank you" while a girl towards the front peers over and giggles. All of the sudden she's aware of herself and feels everyone on the bus looking to see if the old woman is right, she can feel them thinking "Tall, yeah, pretty? Eh". Subtly she recoils by folding her arms and slouching back, no longer concerned with brushing shoulders with her neighbors, hoping that the jeans and forest green beater she's wearing will help her to blend once again into the background. The bus whirs on and she get's off before the old woman does, but not before she informs her "Don't go on the train with those flip flops, they'll getcha". After years of being told she could "be a model" she wonders if she should follow her reply of "Thank you" with "But they don't take girls with bad skin and big butts".

One of Four

2009-05-27T11:09:00.000-07:00

I would just like to take this moment to mention how beautiful and funny and talented my sisters are. I miss them a lot and I'm really Jealous that they all get to hang out with each other in Ohio for the summer. I'm also a bit jealous that they all went to Cedar Point with out me...I'm gunna have to visit first chance I get. (From left to right Grace, Maddy and Bonnie)

Goofs.

Too long to submit to "textsfromlastnight.com"

2009-05-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

When I get really bored, like say when I'm selling Merch for this guy at the Abbey, I get some A riffing material off of my friends.

For Example:

(216) Their Manager is really cute…

(719) FUCK!

(216) He’s running their sound board and he waved at me once…I think he’s the one

(719) I think it would be appropriate to call him Neo if you know what I mean

(216) He’s bending my spoon…if you know what I mean

(719) I want to take the blue pill if you know what I mean

(216) I don’t know what you mean

(719) I think I might be pregnant if you know what I mean

(216) FUCK THAT!

(719) That was not true please be calm

....it might only be funny to some but you get the Idea. When I'm making people laugh, weather it's at a get together or just a correspondence over texting, I feel more like myself. I feel like I haven't been my jokey self for the past couple months and I'm glad to see that it's returning, even though I'm making a fool of myself half the time...

Green everywhere

2009-05-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

I am exhasted. Not only did I work my butt off this weekend, I believe I'm also coming down with whatever Darcie and Ally have/had.

I worked at Green fest this weekend for Organic Valley, pretty awesome company, I got a bunch of free stuff from them. They had some of the Farmers from the family owned farms there and apparently some of the young handsome ones were at Deboinair this Saturday for a Green fest after party. I can only imagine the kind of Hipster tail those guys got/could have gotten. The only thing hotter than telling a young hipster girl "I'm an organic farmer" is vaguely sounding like you just said "I'm in a band called Animal collective".

It's green outside now. The trees the grass, our front path....our yard no longer resembles a jungle because our land lord came on by with his machete and made it look like what I imagine the path in front of Jesus on palm sunday would have looked like. Nice. Now I just need a Donkey and I'm set.

Things I'm excited about that are coming up:

-Womens weekend in Michigan

-Rebecca returning from Indonesia

-Mari Moving back

-Going to Texas to be with my adopted family

The only time Leigh will talk about sports...

2009-05-11T18:44:00.000-07:00

The Indians are on in Chicago, but here they just call it an away White Sox game. Thankfully the Sox are doing horribly ;) Kyle Says the White Sox commentators are the worst, they're pretty bad. So I turn on WTAM 1100 on line, but they're broadcasting the Cavs game. All of the sudden I've turned into my father, one game is on the t.v. on Mute while the other is on the radio. Both Cleveland teams and both actually winning, the high light of my day.

The Cavs just did a back to back sweep in the playoffs, I know NO ONE that reads this is a basketball fan and would rather see me write some drivel about music...but I am so gosh darn excited! I mean this would be the first time in 60 years that Cleveland has won a Championship title....I dunno but I would hope that that would do something for Cleveland's attitude towards itself.

Now I'm sitting here by myself in my Chicago living room watching the Indians play, we're winning at the top of the 9th and Progressive feild is barely full of die hard fans braving the freakishly cold weather to watch their team win for once, ah Cleveland.

I've had an almost purely nostalgic relationship to sports for most of my life. Mostly because I'm a very Non-competitive person. Baseball was the sport my Father taught me and my sisters enough that we'd half heartedly play in the front lawn. Basball is the game that was a big treat to go to as a kid. One of my most favorite things to do in the woooorld is go to an Indians game, buy 2 hot dogs and a big bag of peanuts and end up with a huge mess of shells at my feet and a fresh burn on my cheeks. The Cavs didn't start doing really well until right before I went to College, I didn't go to my first game until I had already graduated and left for Chicago, But one of my favorite memories of this past year is going to the first pre-season game with my Dad, floor seats, hot dogs, Great Lakes Dortmunder and a loss against The Raptors. Now we're the best team in the league with the MVP and a city ready for a championship. I'm excited-d-d-d-d.

I don't know how to write about sports hahaha. Not to mention I haven't felt like myself lately and the playoffs has been a quick happy retreat for me to watch/listen to/read about.

Too bad I'm a little terrified of Cubs fans, otherwise I'd indulge in my peanut endeavor here in Chicago more often.

Ok that's enough of that.

Cure for a gloomy Day

2009-04-27T18:15:00.001-07:00

Today was pretty crap, but the little things are what made it all the nicer.

That picture I took when you weren't looking as you made me Eggs that cold New York Morning. It's still on my phone.

And an afternoon spent with one of my best friends, shooting the shit and talking about why that shit is just so shitty.

Not to mention my Dad used his super Dad powers today and called me just to ask if I was ok. He's not really a caller, but it seems when ever he does, it's when I really really need it. Seriously, super Dad powers.

I'm trying to improve my penmanship

2009-04-23T11:55:00.000-07:00

So very few people have cool hand writing these days. The only thing we're ever forced to write constantly is out signature, and that usually ends up being a squiggle and a line...that's what mine is after all.

My Grandmother Culbertson has the most beautiful handwriting, she signs her paintings in the most beautiful and artistic way a person could write "Culbertson". So what I conclude is this: The longer you were forced to write things out without the aide of a computer or a typewriter, the better your hand writing is.

It's why most of the people in my generation have the same handwriting that they did when they were in 7th grade, because that's when we started our "keyboarding" classes.....just imagine what the hand writing of future generations will be like. In my old age, my doctors will be writing out perscriptions like pre-schoolers, if they write them out at all...

Pretty obvious right? I dunno I just thought it was interesting.

Stream of Conciousness

2009-04-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

I am really Tired. It's not because I haven't been getting enough sleep because I actually have, I think it's because I'm not used to early mornings and consistently active days....I also think it's because I'm out of shape. So to change that I biked to work today. Five Miles from Logan square to the West Loop, woot! Now I'm really tired and praying I'll be sharp enough to make it home alive this afternoon. Two cups of caffinated tea should be kicking in any time now.

So yesterday on the commute home I did a lot of thinking, as I was too tired to pull out my logic puzzles and too packed in with people to sit down and gaze out the window, so I was left to my thoughts. I thought a lot about what was so great about this last weekend in Moreland Hills Ohio. How great it was to spend time with my family as a whole, be with my 3 sisters making jokes that inevitably might piss off Mom. The giggling in the pews of the Federated Church that never get old, hugs from Grandmas, Aunt Marty and Martines new springer puppy, Decorating eggs with my cousin and her fiancee, avoiding whatever elephant is in the room etc. It was great.

But then it all died down and I wanted to escape from everything. Sunday night came and I was scheduled to drive home around 6, about an hour before I was to get picked up I decided I wasn't ready to go back and bought a bus ticket for Tuesday morning. So, Bonnie got shipped back to MU Ohio, Maddy holed up in her room again, Moms attitude turned sour and I decided I wanted to get out of that house, hide from the place that I was using to hide from Chicago. Double hide. So I went to the Brodheads. The Brodhead family is my paralell Universe. They are a Family of four boys, my good friend Craig being the second as I am. They were all still home for the Holiday and I just got to sit and bask in the strangeness of all the differences and similarities of their paralell life. It was perfect. Their mother is an angel and never hesitates to let me know that their door is always open, and so are the doors to their enormous fridge filled with food. Their house is perched on a hill in the valleys of Gates Mills and over looks the rolling landscape as two Golden retreiver beasts roam about the house distributing love. In my last two days in Ohio I spent as much time there as possible, this included sleeping over, eating breakfast then napping there. I forgot all about the fact that I had bills to pay, a steady job to find, close to no food in my fridge in Chicago and just pretended this was life. It was healthy I think. And very needed for my soul.

Anyways, that's what I want.

And recently a lot of attention has been brought to setting goals. Career goals, life goals, etc. so here's a goal:

I want a house in the Valley where the door is always open and the fridge is always full. I want two or three loving dogs to roam about giving love to anyone that wants it, a cat too. I want a big room with every musical insturment and peice of equipment nessecary for impromtu music playing and enough spare beds for anyone to come and go as they please. I would love the house to have some semblance of a family in it but lets not get ahead of ourselves.

Deadline for this goal? let's say 35? That's 12 years from now. Lots of things need to happen for that to happen, but I think I can do it.

1 2 3
That's the speed of the seed
A B C
That's the speed of the need
You can dream a little dream
Or you can live a little dream
I'd rather live it
Cuz dreamers always chase
But never get it

-Aesop Rock

Yeah, thanks for listening.

I stole this from Sartorialist

2009-04-16T10:47:00.000-07:00

Because I like to pretend I'm really really fashionable.

Job?
I get paid to Nanny, Temp, Direct, play music.

Best Sartorial advice from your parents?
Make sure you have your basic pieces.

Style icons?
Darcie Young? My friends? I can't think of any one famous person. Maybe Zoey Deschanel, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Cloe Sevingy.

Describe your personal style...
Classy Cheap chic. I've been trying to phase myself out of my overly experimental days at North Park. Although my uniform recently has been a deep V with skinny jeans and a blazer....it's just easy.

I build my daily look around?
What is comfortable and clean. If I'll be wearing it all day I'm not going to throw on tights and a high waisted belt.

Personal Style quirk?
half the stuff you'll see me wearing doesn't belong to me....I feel closer to the people who's clothes i wear.

Favorite designers?
I'm going to be honest here, I couldn't tell you.

Most cherished item?
Any Jewelry that my Mom or sisters have ever bought me.

Never caught wearing?
a baseball hat

Most underrated item in menswear/womenswear?
I'm going to have to go with Romney on this one.
"The perfectly tailored woven shirt, the slouchy trouser, and the leather biker jacket."

Dress to impress who?
My friends, strangers down town.

Flats or heels?
Well I'm a gargantuan so I'm going to have to go with flats. I do like how heels look though, I just have a hard time wearing them for longer than 30 minutes.

Favorite stores?
In Chicago - Clothing Optional, Vintage Leather, (really any of the second hand shops in Wicker Park) And I'm cheap so, H&M and forever 21. But when I want to look at and touch something beautiful with out feeling out of place - Anthropologie.

Your next "must have" purchase?
An Off White spring Trench, A deep purple leather hobo bag and Greek goddess sandals :)

I skimp when buying ...
Almost anything...

I splurge on...
Good fitting jeans, and when ever I find "THE" perfect thing (see below)

Favorite item of clothing?
My Velvet black blazer, Brown lace up oxfords and my Dark wash skinny jeans.

Favorite fashion magazines?
Nylon, Vogue, GQ (is that a fashion mag?) and Does The Sartorialist count?

Favorite (style) books?
I have a photography book from the Yeah Yeah Yeah's Nick Zinner. I love looking at that thing.

Favorite stylish movies?
The Royal Tenenbaums and The Science of sleep.

Favorite vacation spot?
Red Bay Ontario Canada. It's not very fashionable but my family is always there.

Favorite neighborhood restaurant?
Sultans Market....even though I don't live in Wicker Park.

Unlucky at cards....So they say

2009-03-31T13:39:00.000-07:00

I realized today that when I think about finding the guy for me I think of finding "The Nino to my Amelie" and the "Stephane to my Stephanie". This of course is referring to the stories of "Amelie" and "The Science of sleep". I suppose it's because I imagine the guy I end up with being some one as strange if not stranger than me....and possibly French?

Those things aren't mutually exclusive...

It's interesting to think of one's meeting of their significant other as a potential "Story". I suppose it's what I want to happen, I suppose it's inevitable. But we forget so easily that love stories start with out us realizing it, the beginning is not seen until the very end. Yours could be happening right now and you could have no knowledge of it.

My Parents for instance, their Parents used to play cards together while little Clark and Carolyn were running around as tots in the living room. It wouldn't be until 20 or so years later that they'd see each other in a bar in down town Cleveland, my Mother purposely bumping into my handsome father and my Dad fumbling for the words to mention to this gorgeous lady that he thought she was some one that, oddly enough, they both ended up knowing....

Foolishly I sometimes think that I'll see him and meet him and that will be it....but it'll be so much more frustrating and drawn out than that, as all of my love stories have been so far...all two of them....that I know of. Patience.

Ok, that's enough Leigh.

Being single is sexy.

I wonder.

2009-03-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

Why does this room smell funny...

Tonight

2009-03-12T23:21:00.000-07:00

Was lovely.

It started out with my good friend Kristina. I met up with her at Marshalls where she was buying some fun unmentionables and from there we strolled to her place of work. There I applied for what will most likely be my job as an ice cream server at Bobtail. We had a lovely talk in the mean time and I got to sample some tastey ice cream.

Then I ventured to my good friend Daves apartment, where I impressed him with my skills on Wii Baseball (meaning he didn't win by mercy rule only by a couple points) and I got a much needed does of 4 person Mario Kart, on which I did suprisingly well againt 3 more experienced boys. We enjoyed each others company emensely.

Next I left the boys to go see the Tim Lowly Ensemble. A band who's sound exeplifies Peace on a rainy day. I even started crying during one of the songs.

I needed to recall my lovely night because it ended with a girl getting attitude with me.

My night was pretty.

Diddle

2009-03-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to writing an entry since I moved here....it's not like I haven't had any time to do so, just not really the will. Isn't that usually how these things go?

The Job search is going and going, I mostly wish I had one so that when I go back to visit Ohio this weekend I could tell everyone what I'm doing instead of what I wish i were doing...or what I'm trying to do. All I will say is that Nannying seems to be the most promising thing to come around.

I'm here at 3216 N Drake listening to "rainy day like" music, hanging out with Geeg. It's raining again for the umpteenth time this week, I still say I like it better than snow at this point. The sweatshirt I threw on this morning is that of a friend who gave it up Saturday night in order to keep me dry on the walk back to my place. Watching me pull it on he says "You look much better in that than me, you should just keep it". Wearing it makes me feel cared about by a good, old friend.

I went and saw Watchmen on Sunday, I enjoyed it, I have my reservations about it, but I enjoyed it. Probably because I went in to it with such low expectations. I went and saw it with 7 other friends of mine....in Cleveland I had a hard time wrangling one person to see a film with me....at some point during the movie I remember just smiling at the fact that I was surrounded by such quality people, it made me endlessly happy.

I have the possibility of two shows coming up. I'm defiantly playing at Femfest at North Park university in Java House March 27th at 7:30. So if you want to see my triumphant return please come and watch me attempt to play music in front of people again. I might possibly be playing with some folks at The Mutiny on April 30th along with The Clams who are for sure playing....so be there anyways.

I returned to Barry Methodist Church on Sunday with Kate and I brought Darcie along. Right away I felt part of the community again. I now have a house to go to for Easter Dinner and it looks like some opportunities for babysitting in my future :) Barry is a great funky little artsy church community, I'm glad that Darcie will be coming with me every Sunday...not to mention that she has a car and she lives with me.

My Roommates of course are amazing women. Creative, responsible, sweet, creative, generous, beautiful, smart, funny, women. It's too bad we'll only be living together for 3 months...Not to mention there's a fantastic Dog here named Geeg. He helps me feel a little safer, and he's oh so adorable.

I'm supposed to be here, I'm so happy that I am here. I've only been here 2 weeks and it's already been an explosion of creativity, shows, theater, friendship and endless blessings. Prayers that I'll find a job in the next week eh?

Much love to all. If you're not here, I really miss you.

How to:

2009-02-13T13:50:00.000-08:00

Be a good neighbor;

Driving home through my neighborhood I pass a 12 year old jogging up the hill by himself, he waved. I'll miss that in Chicago.

Be a waitress;

I wonder sometimes what people are thinking when I'm taking their order, bringing them water/coffee all day. I don't just wonder what they're thinking, I wonder what they've done that day, if it's been a good day, if they're going to see some one they love that day, if they are anxious about something they have to do after they leave this place. So I wish for one day that I could read the minds of my customers at work. I could get past the inevitable thoughts of "Damn this girls slow" or "Is this what I ordered?" or "Is that a piece of food on her face or a zit?" because I'm so interested in the story behind them. I remember driving home from a bass lesson with my Mom when I was younger and saying to her while driving through Shaker Heights "All these house's have a different story in them" "Yes they do sweetie, isn't that cool?"

Move to Chicago;

I have a couple boxes packed, I plan on my preliminary trip to be next week. A day and a half to interview, look for a dresser and pick up a bed.

Show a boy that you like him;

Send him something you had way too much fun making. He'll apparently not know what to do with himself, or what to do to thank you, just tell him that as long as he basks in your amazing card making skills, that's thanks enough.

Be a good friend;

Don't laugh too loudly when they're on the phone with some one who will probably get them in trouble....

Send text msgs like this in response to "I don't want to get up and go to work today"

"When we rise from sleep, let us rise for the joy of the true work we will be about this day, and considerately cheer each other on".

I've kept it in my phone for the past month :)

Write a song;

Can I tell you just how terrified I am of writing music? Music is this one thing that comes terribly naturally to me and I can't bring myself to produce a song that I enjoy listening to.

I was listening to Vampire weekend in the car today (a CD Nigel Burned for me that I gleefully stumbled upon, along with atlas sound, while looking through stuff yesterday) and...well...there aren't many songs on that album, so I ended up listening to the thing repeatedly. After about the 5th or 6th time through I started to think "These guys aren't that tight....this is really annoying to me all of the sudden...why the fuck is that?" Don't get me wrong I'm a huge fan of lo fi music, much to Jon's Chagrin, but every little sloppy note started to crawl under my skin. I kept listening to try and figure out why I enjoy this music, and how maybe I could sloppily, easily make something similar, but picking apart something so simple defeats the purpose of coming up with such a fun and free song, right?

Maybe what annoyed me about the sloppiness of the song is that as a musician I've always strived for tightness. As a bass player I'm the time and meter that every ones listening to with out realizing it...the Drums being the more obvious toe tapping instigator. So to achieve that sound that is basically the subconsciousness of the band I need to listen and be tight with everyone else, Classically, Jazzically....Rock and Rollically....And I get angry when a Band like Vampire Weekend can make fun catchy music that isn't even that TIGHT while I sit here anxious to even open Ableton live! (That's music software) The curse of the classically trained musician I guess...I need to get the fuck over myself.

I've been thinking a lot recently about the anatomy of a song. What makes songs like The Walkmens "The Rat"or Battles "Atlas" so powerful to me? Why does it FEEL so obvious to me that what goes into a good piece of music and a good piece of theater is structurally the same thing....yet it is terribly difficult to DESCRIBE.

Be a good Director

The play was a success. The Cast had discussions with the Audience in small group form after each performance, and it seems that it did a lot of good. I think I did my part in decreasing the Bullying in Mayfield Middle school. And I enjoyed watching the kids in the audience jam out to LCD soundsystem and Cadence weapon, as they were the interludes for the production. The kids are great, we're facebook friends now, and I finally told them where I waitress ;)

Have fun Babysitting

Waltz with the one year old boy to "Once Upon a dream" In the opening credits of Sleeping Beauty. Spider man swing the 3 year old boy, and fairy fly the 2 year old girl into bed. I promise you'll have fun.

Musing of a New Director

2009-02-06T07:36:00.000-08:00

Thank the lord this Monday my first (paid) gig as a director will be over. The performance is of a play I've simply dubbed "Bully Play" which was found somewhere on the Internet and then cut clipped and butchered to better fit the needs of the school by my Boss.

It wasn't until yesterday during our "dress" that I looked at this play and thought, "God this is just an awful play and I am so fucking sick of it". I purposely did not let myself think this

thought until this moment because otherwise it would have turned into something boring and unpresentable....it doesn't seem to have become that. I remember thinking when taking this job that I just love working with highschoolers. And I do! But the instance in which I last worked with them was at a sleep away camp, where parents and transportation were not in question....note to self: build better communication with parents the next time you work with school age Children. Because of these kids parents I've had so many last minute "OH my mom JUST told me that I have an orthodontist appointment after school, I can't come to practice" or "OH I didn't show up with out telling you because my Mom wouldn't LET me come to rehearsal because of my bad grades" this AFTER (both the kid and the parent) signed a contract that states they wont get paid if they miss more than one rehearsal with out telling me TWO days in advance......

ALL that said, I really like the kids I'm working with, they're kind to me and to each other, they're probably the kids I'd be friends with in high school, and they seem to think I'm cool in some sense. And I worked with what I had and made it into something that I think Middle schoolers will at the very least pay attention to. If ONE kid walks away from this play having learned that they should be nicer to a kid that is quiet, or doesn't have any friends or smells funny....then I've done my job. And we're showing the play to the entire 5th and 6th Grade so....there's a good possibility that that will happen.

Would I do anything differently? Yeah. I'd probably get a second person in there with me from the beginning. Get some kid to take blocking notes for me, line notes, keep track of the contracts, permission slips etc so I could pay attention to the play more. I'd give the kids copies of their contracts so they'd remember what it is they signed on to do. I'd call all their parents from the beginning and make sure they understand what THEY signed on to do and establish some sort of a relationship with them so they know I'm not joking around here. And I'd require practices to be lengthened the last two weeks of rehearsals.

Maybe I'll get some one to film the thing and I'll YouTube it....or maybe I'll be way too embarrassed to do that.

------------------------------------------------------------

Me and Dave went for a walk in snowy sunny Jackson Field yesterday, it was beautiful and refreshing and the best exercise I've gotten in a while. I'm going to miss the hills and the trees pretty badly when I move to Chicago...I might just go for a walk again today.

(The Photo is from a less sunny trip to Jackson Field)

Now THAT's funny.

2009-02-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

I seem to find a lot of things funny these days that aren't intended to be. I mean that is usually the case, but recently the unintentional funny things have been out weighing the intentionally funny things.

like. .

My Mother frantically screaming as she shuffles through papers all over the house;

"THERE WAS A FROSTY CUPON THAT HAS SOME VERY IMPORTANT ADDRESSES ON IT and now it's GOOONE!!"

"This is what people have blackberrys for mom"

"I thought if I wrote the Address on MY COUPONS that it'd be SAFE! But NOOOOOO I write it down and a week goes by and it's GOOOONNEEE! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!"

mean while I am laughing in the kitchen making eggs and she does NOT think this is a laughing matter.

It's how I survive really, laughing at things that are loud and kind of scary, but when you think about it, really funny. I can't get wrapped up in the crazy that happens in my house every other day anymore, it's bad for my health. So growing up here I've learned to laugh at things that are so over the top scary crazy, embaressing or angering because 6 times out of 10, it's not actually worth it to get anxious or upset about it.

I picked up a little saying from a friend, "Find the Funny". because there's something funnyto find everyday.

Oddly enough the friend that I got that from stopped being my friend in a pretty laughable situation, it's mostly the relationship that he's in that's laughable.

This makes me kind of crazy right? I swear I have other emotions.

However, my Cast not knowing their lines a week before the performance....that's not funny too me.

I LIKE IT STINK EYE!

2009-01-30T16:07:00.000-08:00

I love you two.

My life is so much better with you guys in it.

I am moving to Chicago so help me God

2009-01-28T16:52:00.000-08:00

The Date is set, the deal is made. I'm moving in with Miss Young and Miss Burns in their Logan square apartment this March. It is going to be fabulous.

Obviously I have been planning this for quite some time now, but I'm still pretty amazed that it's kind of coming together. Darcie offering me this room for one thing is a God send. I'll be talking to people about Jobs everyday till I get there, not to mention I'll probably mosey on over there as soon as I can for some interview type things, and everything will hopefully come together and my move there will be successful and permanent.

So I'm sitting here doing the math, making sure everything will be in place, planning my close to perfect life in Chicago. I'm mentally preparing myself for living frugally, which entails eating mostly Zaterans rice mixes and drinking mainly PBR. as well as figuring out how I'm going to chase a boy that lives states away as I thrive in the city of my choosing

....is it weird for Girls to chase Boys? Like in a non-playground kind of way.....it's ok I think, especially since this particular boy has been chasing me on some level for roughly 5 years....So the goal is that I give chase with out feeling insane, which will obviously be difficult. SO let me know if you want to road trip it to New York City any time, any time at all.

This Month is going to be all about problem solving, though I suppose that's kind of what life is about, but this month in particular I will be deliberately solving each problem that needs to be taken care of before I move to Chicago, there seems to be quite a few. BUT I AM DETERMINED!

My brain is dying. I didn't leave the house all day today, mainly because it snowed and work was cancelled, also because I didn't have access to a car all day, frustrating. So my brain is dying. my motivation to paint, read, play music, write, do logic puzzles, whatever... is dwindling...I hate it. Make it come back.

I don't care who you are or how good you think you may be, when I get to Chicago, we're playing music together.

New York...

2009-01-27T10:25:00.000-08:00

was

Perfect.

And life is even more complicated.

Leigh goes to town

2009-01-08T10:43:00.000-08:00

So I roll over this morning to check the time on my cell phone, and just as I open it it starts to ring, it's always weird when that happens. Of course it's Jon calling to tell me that in the few moments that he's been waiting in line in NYC to buy tickets to see Mary-Louise Parker in Heda Gabler, he's brushed shoulders with Will Ferrel and given a knowing nod to Lauren Graham (from Gilmore Girls.....one of Jons Favorite Shows). Well....good morning NYC.

Meanwhile I'm here eating poached eggs on toast, making all my friends into Mii's on the Wii (yes you have one) and wandering around my house trying to get my big ole fingers to change from the chorus to the bridge on the Ukulele for "Postcards From Italy"

.....I'm not Jealous Jon, I just can't wait to go to New York in two weeks I guess.

I do have rehearsal again with my high schoolers today, it's become a fun little thing to look forward too. I think one of the kids Dads is bringing in Pizza for everyone today, what a great life I lead.

People Leigh hangs out with Tracker:

Kate Got Back from New York last night
Daniel Got back from God-knows-where yesterday
Ryans here
David Returns from Egypt some time next week

Thankfully you can learn anything on Youtube to pass the time.

A Stink Eye and a Cute

2009-01-06T14:18:00.001-08:00

A Brilliant Stink Eye Provided by Hel looks

And A Cute.

So I'm still trying to figure out if high schoolers are your toughest critics or easily impressed (by 23 year olds) I played the first half of "Postcards From Italy" on the ukulele for them and they were speechless. One of the Characters plays the thing in the play I'm directing.

So I'm very confident that what I'm doing looks very impressive and professional to them, while at the same time I feel like they're thinking "Does this girl have any Idea what she's doing?".

In any case, I'm a paid Director, I get paid to do what (roughly) I want to do for a career. And though it isn't much....I'm feel'n pretty good about it.

Insufferable in Moreland Hills

2009-01-05T08:49:00.000-08:00

"You absolutely need a musician, you know that right?"
"Yes I know, I need it."

-

"I'm sure I've warned you about musicians, I mean, you should know"
"Know what? What wouldn't I already know about musicians.."
"If the opportunity to tour ever came up, or some opportunity like that..."
"...Gone in a second"
"But you're a musician yourself, so it's not as bad"
"I can be on the same brain wave if need be."

-

"The continuation of my Craigducation"
"I'm Leighrning some things as well"
"We are so fucking witty"

I'm feeling a little out of my damn mind.

Happy new year Friends and Foes

2009-01-03T14:59:00.000-08:00

Anxious musings of the new year are in order.

I believe it's safe to say that the last week of 2008 was one of the most fantastic weeks I'd had all year. It was packed with people I love coming together in roughly the same places, passions I hold for music, Theater, and persons a-like were re-kindled and premonitions for the new year were made. It was a much needed burst of energy at the end of a very pivotal year, almost as if it was saying, "Big finish! Big finish! Big Finiiiiish!!" now it's 2009, and I think it's going to be terrific. I'll Move to Chicago, I'll start my career, I'll fall in love, I'll produce mass amounts of art, I'll maybe even get a dog. It'll be a good year.

Not to mention Obama is going to be President in less than a month! Ahh! My heart is a flutter!

Although one sacrifice was made to the New years Gods......I'm still hoping it'll turn up though....Notice there are no photos on this post as I am in mourning.

Girls.

2008-12-13T10:01:00.001-08:00

A handful of my talented girlfriends in Chicago made a zine of their work and gave it to people for Christmas. Brilliant girls.
A quote that they placed at the very beginning of the zine caught my eye.

"There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women" - Madeleine Albright, Former U.S. Secretary of State

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I feel her piercing eyes across an unfamiliar living room, it's speckled with girls I've never met, of course not one of them bothers to introduce themselves.
There she is sitting across from me, gathering information with every glance, picking up on flaw's I omit like high frequencies. 'Bad skin, split ends, weird clothes, heavy sighs. THIS is the girl who captured his attention?'
I know all this because I'm doing the same thing. I glance and glance hoping to find a flaw to reap, but I can't find a thing. 'Captivating almond eyes, flawless skin, beautiful curves, an endlessly cheerful smile....THIS is the manipulative little girl that is dragging us through the mud?'
Why do women so beautiful do themselves the dis-service of being so ugly.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

http://www.womenco.com/benefits/articles/308-the-special-place-in-hell

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As destructive as ones anxiety may be, in particular my anxiety, it ends up giving me qualities that I otherwise would not possess. It has become obvious to me that the nature of my friendships have a lot to do with my history with women, girls, whatever. When you're young, girls can be cruel, especially when you're lanky and flat chested and weird and in Orchestra. Needless to say, I was picked on. This causes me, and women like me, to be very selective with their girlfriends, making sure they're not bringing in unneeded drama, that the amount of caring for one another is a two way street, making sure all that petty shit roles off their back. suprisingly it's not everyday that you find women with all three of these qualities, I struggle with them myself! All women do! But because I get so anxious around girls who may be hazourdous to my mental health...I avoid a deeper friendship with them.

Thank God in heaven that I have some of the most beautiful, creative, kind, caring, funny, ambitious, weird women in my life, and that I have successfully entered into relationships with them.

The other thing my bad history with women has driven me to? More friendships with men, guys, whatever. Now it MIGHT have something to do with being the only girl bass player in town, at camp, at school, in the band, and just generally being used to the sausage fest, but I'm guessing me feeling like I can fit in more with boys than girls might have something to do with the fact that at a young age my brain went "Girls - Mean, Boys - nice". ..who knows for sure.

But seriously Ladies. In the end, what drives me nuts about females is that we're pinned against each other, and most of the time for no reason at all! There are two girls (that I know of) that do not like me one bit, a) they have no reason to dislike me and b) If they liked me, I would have no problem with them! Yes men have a bad track record of suppressing women in every way but what is even more horrifying is that WOMEN have a history of suppressing women as well! And maybe that's a mans fault, maybe the media is to blame, maybe, maybe, maybe. In all honesty, it's your choice in the end. Whatever beef you have with the girl sitting across from you, weather her clothes are too "preppy" or her make-up is too heavy, just remember that she's has mostly likely had all the same girly troubles that you have and you can relate to her on every basic womanly level.

Lazy Day (shower)

2008-11-25T14:30:00.000-08:00

These seem to be a regular occurrence recently....I feel an endless amount of guilt about it.

Lazy day or not, there's always one big highlight of everyday, Taking a shower. My friend Ben Billington used to call it (and sometimes still does) a rain locker, I always liked that imagery, so I titled the mix I listen to when ever I shower:

Rain Locker Dreams

"Anyone Else but you" By The Moldy Peaches

"If you rescue me (Chanson des Chats)" Sung by Gael Garcia Bernal and Co.

"Heart Beats" The Jose Gonzalez Cover

"Nantes" by Beirut

"Sea of Love" The Cat Power cover

"Skinny Love" by Bon Iver

It's the perfect blend of sweet charm and calming music that I know the words to and can harmonize with easily. So I always end up dreaming up scenarios in which I'm sitting next to one of my guy friends who plays the guitar as I harmonize along with a ukulele in hand.....*sigh*. If anyone has the desire to learn any of those songs on guitar I will be the first one to sing along :)

Taking a shower is kind of a fantastical experience for me, it's a production each time. I bring in my sisters ipod dock, turn on the light in the shower, turn on the shower, turn off the light in the bathroom, undress, press play and as I open the door to the shower the steam mists up the only light source in the room and I step into my escape. Music playing, heart beat slowing down, all of the noises and the stress of the house disappear and all of the sudden i can think straight and dream up all the things I'm excitedly capable of doing.

sigh

Sounds of the House

2008-11-23T19:01:00.000-08:00

The sharp and witty banter of Carey Grant and the smooth Italian cadence of Sophia Loren, Mom and Grace are watching "House Boat" down stairs.

The Monotone hum of my sister reading "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" out loud to herself so she can compare and contrast it in a paper that's due tomorrow morning.

The "scratch............scratch..........scratch" at the door, signaling some one to get off their tush and let Montana in, out of the cold.

The "Daling ling! wrrrr wrrrr wrrrr" of my cell phone, indicating a text messege has been receieved. Jon's feeling better, Erics power has gone out, Andrew wants me to drive out to Alliance again.

Other than that, it's really silent out here, especially in the winter when the house is all shut up. I used to come home from the city and not be able to fall asleep, it was so quiet. Other than the ringing in my ears, I didn't hear a sound. So Sirens, no reggeaton, no people shouting across the hall. There's no hum in Moreland Hills, Chicago has a hum that used to rock me to sleep at night.

The Sirens, the beeps the barks all became one day long hum. But when I visited Chicago a couple weeks ago I started noticing every noise that went on outside. I asked Maureen if she realized her next door neighbors were selling drugs, because I noticed a couple yuppies pull up outside their apt. give a couple suspisious honks, do a quick exchange with a "hood" looking hispanic guy, and speed away. "no" she said "I guess is all just fades into the background". The next morning an alarm was going off downstairs and I asked Chaz what it was "oh that? I don't even notice it anymore, I think it's an alarm or something". It's funny how we can be conditioned to live in certain areas.

I just bought a ticket to go to Chicago December 8th - 12th. Merry Christmas everyone!...yes, my gift to you is the presence of me :-)

Chocolate chocolate chocolate! AAAck.

2008-11-21T12:34:00.000-08:00

tehehe.

I've been sick this week, not as sick as Jon was, lord no, but pretty darn sick. Whats frustrating is that it's the 4th time with in about a month and a half that I have been. And I haven't been sick all year....my body has become fragile since moving here, which is odd because I feel I've been eating a lot healthier. Maybe not as Healthy as when I ate over at the Lowly's ;) Anyways....let's hope this is the end of the sick streak, because I need to be on my feet serving people uncontaminated food. Not looking like David from "flight of the navigator" in my white thermal p.j's.

I'm going to a bachelorette party for a girlfriend of mine that I've known since Kindergarten. It's one of those people in your life that have stuck to you no matter what kind of craptastic things have happened in their life. She's been through a lot, including many a boy I didn't not approve of. But now she has a gorgeous son, a loving husband to be and a pretty exciting life set up before her. She choose a different path than me and it only proves to me that there's more than one happy way to go about life. That's always refreshing to know. Bachelorette parties are always interesting....mechanical bull anyone?

ok...ok deep breath.

Things that make life in Moreland Hills a little more livable:

- Late night phone convos with Joe Goivannetti
- The rolling hills, general landscape and wild life of North East Ohio
- My sisters
- Kate Brooks, and all the shenanigans we get into.
- Forging new friendships with people like Meghan, Sara and David.
- Daft Punk "Alive"
- My Dog and Cat
- Getting to hang out with a 1,2 and 3 year old once or twice a week.
- The living room fire place
- Graphic Novels
- gchat
- Anthropologie Catalogues
- 30 Rock, How I met your Mother, It's always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Greys Anatomy....yes I still love that show.

I miss all of you (that are not here). I need reasons to not be anxiously awaiting my return to Chicago...I know all of you are ;)

Forced Flow

2008-11-09T17:23:00.000-08:00

Most of the time when I venture into the pages of this blog it's because I want to see who has updated their blog. Blogs like "Fail Blog" and "Lol cats" and "The Sartortalist" and Mari Andrew never fail to disappoint. Then I look up to the corner of my screen at the little "New Post" Option and I think....I have nothing to contribute to the overall conversation.

Truthfully I've actually been really busy and emotionally drained, this leads to me feeling a little sluggish and malaise about the world that I should be contributing to in a creative way.....and I'm not, at the moment.

I thought that moving to Moreland Hills would be lonely, which it's not (That lonely), and I thought I would have a creative burst of energy with all the free time and materials at my disposal. So far, sadly, that hasn't been the case. My paints and instruments lay in a heap in a corner of the basement I fear to go near....mainly due to the overwhelming cat pee smell.......my cat has issues. I've already discovered a forever destroyed copy of "Seven Plays" by Sam Shepherd, I fear the inevitability of others that have become a casualty to my sloppy move home. I have a lot of potential but not very much in the ways of motivating myself.

It was wonderful to go to Chicago, it reminded me that I thrive off of my friendships with all sorts of people, being around creative, ambitious people reminds me to never stop in the struggle to be one, because let's face it, it's a bit of a challenge at times. Being in Chicago made me want to make the move out there come even sooner, like tomorrow, but that wont happen. While I was there I did a reading for a friend that wants to record me for a Radio Drama, I went and saw "An Evening with Don Hertzfelt" and although the host/interviewer was tremendously awful it was cool to see Don in person and all of his short films on a big screen. Not to mention the main reason i was there which was to help my Friend Ryan out with his Grad school recording. I got to hang out in a recording studio and take film and photographs of the process. I love being in recording studios, they're so neat, as much as I would love to learn that whole technical part of the music business, I'm sure I will always rather be the gal on the other side of the glass. I also got to see a (very rough) run through of North Parks Fall play and I even saw a band do some covers of classic rock songs in Lake View. I think one of the reasons I thrive while I'm in Chicago is because it's so easy to be constantly surrounded by the arts, you're immersed in the community, and once you're in it you're in it.....I can't wait to move back.

Living in the suburbs is a bit different...just a bit. Although I did see my best friend play Bassoon for the Great Lakes theater Festival's production of "Into the Woods". I had my opinions about it, but overall it was a very enjoyable show. (Kate of course was brilliant) One of my favorite piece's of theater, hard to much that up. I've been to less gigs than I would like to admit, and I've only done one thing in the way of participating in theater. I hope to turn this all around very soon.

Sad news though, looks like I'll be staying in Moreland Hills 2 months longer than originally planned. The Directing Job I got in August wont be starting till the end of January, so I wont be able to move to Chicago till March.....at least I'll be missing the shittiest part of the year there right?.....I figure this way I'll get some experience that wont be so easy to get in Chicago, and I'll have a couple more months to save up. March is a kind of an awkward time to move to Chicago though. Ah Well. I'll be there as soon as intelligently possible.

Once again I've blabbered on about myself....how embarrassing Some one give me a topic to blog about and I'll see what i can do.

Beautiful things should be shared.

2008-10-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

A poem

i thank you God for most this amazing day by E. E. Cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
wich is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

A heavenly peice of music written by Eric Whitacre.

Photo's by Grace

2008-10-15T16:23:00.000-07:00

I really like this photo my sister Grace took of me walking the family dog.

His name is Montana.

Today was a good day, I need to have more just like it.

Free to be me in DC.

2008-10-14T13:37:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I had a very enlightening weekend in DC. Me and my buddy Dave hopped in his red neon and set sail for the capitol around 5 pm on Friday. And let me say, driving through PA in the fall is chalk full of beauty.

Awww.

I also got to see my second Cousin Katherine. We played mouse trap at her house....I won, of course.

It was so nice to be in a big city again, and it was lovely to meet new people. The lads we stayed with were quite quality human beings and I had a lovely time. I also got to chill with my buddy Todd on the WWII memorial for an hour or two while the boys took a nap by the fountain, twas awesome. Lots of good conversation, lots of adventures involving mouse trap.

I just got back from the library. I've found that my vocabulary is decreasing, all too often have I recently tried to use a word in a sentance that just will not come to me. Out of that frustration has born a new determination to be learned. I took out a couple books from the library, two plays and a David Sedaris book. And I'm going to avidly get back to my love of Logic puzzels, as well as my gravitation towards painting and writing and music playing and the like. I need to do a bit of these each day that I have off (at least) because most of the time when I have a day off I just float between the computer and the tv and my bed and the kitchen...this need not happen anymore, for I will be LEARNED!! (pronounced Learn - ed)

ouch I have a head ache.

Music in my head

2008-10-08T18:10:00.000-07:00

There is this song by Esperanza Spaulding called "I adore you".

I've had it stuck in my head all day. And if you listen you can see why...it's pretty easy to get something stuck in your head when the lyrics are all just rhythmic syllables. The title for this song is perfect because I think "adoring" some one is a difficult emotion to express in words and the joyful energy of this song is the same kind of feeling you get when you adore a person, like really adore them. Which is a little more than "caring" and only vaguely similar to "loving". So there you go, maybe you can have it stuck in your head for a while.

When I have a problem with a person I am in a mutual relationship with, I can usually go up to them and say "hey, I'm having an issue with something you're doing blah blah blah" and I can just release whatever negativeness is inside me and move on with my life. But right now I have an anger towards a person that I don't know and haven't met and I have no place to go to that person and say "ok....wtf." So there's no release at the moment, and it's one of those things where I just need to remove myself from the situation even though a person I really care about is involed. I don't consider myself to be a person who is "all up in another persons grill" but...I'm involved, and I'm angry and I don't know what to do other than breath deep, remove myself and just forget and move on....but how do i do that?.....I think I just need to be patient and it'll slowly melt away to an emotion less intense than this one. ok.....*siiiiiiiiigh*.....

I've been kind of snappy in general lately. And I hate that when I am I get asked "Are you on your period?" or "Are you getting your Period?" no! I'm not on my fucking period, nor am I getting it! Aren't I allowed to be snappy for reasons other than my hormones!?......heheh... right? I think I've been snappy because I've been so isolated. I have two jobs that have started, one I've been waiting to start for the past three months (frustration number one) and nothing else to do, so I sit and rot for most of the week, this is especially true because most of the time I'm stranded with out a car in the suburbs. So I'm stuck in this house, this house that can be very cozy and very debilitating. I just need to be productive some how...

Thankfully I got out of the house and went to the first preseason game of the Cavs, My Dad had a friend hook us up with some courtside seats, and I got a free t-shirt because my friend Joe is on the "cavs crew".....people go INSANE for t-shirts man....it's halarious. I had some Great Lakes Dortmunder and two plain hot dogs (my favorite). That was nice to get out of the house, and I have decided that I'm going to be a real cavs fan this season, check up on stats and go to games and blah blah blah, I read all about basketball on Wikipedia today and I found out that the game was actually invented by a Canadian!!

This guy! Dr. James Naismith.

I mean he was in a YMCA in Mass. at the time but still. Not only that but the first pro game was played in Toronto! I know, the Canadians did something cool! right? Seriously though I love Canada ;)

And yes I wikipedia'd Basketball....a girls gotta know what position does what and what constitutes a foul and all that if she's going to be sitting courtside.

So I'm sick, and have to work tomorrow morning, and when I took a nap earlier I had deleriously feverish dreams and woke up more exhasted than when I had gone to sleep....so now I'm going to try this sleep thing again....we'll see what my brain comes up with now.

You Inspire me.

2008-10-01T11:16:00.000-07:00

Can I be kind of cheesy for a moment?

I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who constantly inspire me to do the things that I

might otherwise fear to do. Things like: Traveling to another country, learning a new language, doing what I love to do because there isn't any other way to be happy. These are all things that of course I believe are important, but in a world that doesn't put enough emphasis on the importance of art, community and worldliness, it's nice to be consistently

surrounded by people who are inspiring to say the least..... and I'd like to do a little tribute here if that's alright with you.

You Inspire me by letting me know:

Work really hard and you can do anything. It's usually worth it.

Don't stop pursuing your dreams. Write the kind of music that you love. Keep a steady head. Music is a 6th sense for some people. Get the people you know that love what you do involved in what you're doing.

http://www.myspace.com/ryancunningham86
http://web.mac.com/rcunningham86

Dancing is an important form of expression. Being kind to others is key. Being a girl out of the ordinary is cool and sexy. Writing a book can be hard, but in the end it's probably worth it. There is no flavor of alcohol you cannot create on your own.

You can put on a play anywhere you like when ever you like as long as you are helping a cause while you do it. Don't be afraid to be smart. Work hard if you want to do what you love.

Laugh as hard as you possibly can while never giving up on the things other people really are counting on you to do.

Live the good life, this involves; Playing the music you love, cooking and eating things that you enjoy daily, showing love to every person you come into contact with. When words fail, communication through music is key.

Watch films that are good, then you will make films that are good. The more you practice your craft, the better you'll get at it. (in Dan's case, Movies and photos) It's never too late to rediscover your faith.

Play the music you love where ever you can, as often as you can, even if other people might not know what the hell you're doing, at least you'll gather a crowd. There's more to do with your love of music than just play, (i.e. make a tape label, work at an up and coming music venue)

http://www.myspace.com/druidsofhuge

Nothing is impossible as long as you work hard enough and have good beer to drink at hand. Your friends are some of the most valuable people in your life and should be treated as such. Also toys are fun to buy, make and play with.

Be Brave. It's ok to be sad in a beautiful place.

"Kissing is a really easy way to feel good about yourself," I said. "But I need to find other ways to feel good about myself. Like writing a story. Or learning more Spanish. Or becoming closer to God. Or learning to cook Egyptian stew."

I read that from her blog a couple times a week as a very valuable reminder.

http://ytupaltatambien.blogspot.com/

Cross cultural boundaries. Step out of your comfort zone and discover things about other humans that you may have never bothered to know. Make music where ever you are, whether it be in a different country, house, state you'll always find other people to make music with you.

http://indoyear.blogspot.com/

Art is fun. Friends are valuable. All animals need loving and deserve it. Be proud of your height, beauty, style....and don't be afraid to experiment with it. It's possible to love what you do for a living at a young age.....really just enjoy your life.

http://darcieyoung.blogspot.com/

Don't give up on a dream. Even if it's a little different, even if it tears you away from the other things you love for a little bit. Take the pain you've experienced in life and let it show in a beautiful way through your artistic skill. Practice a lot if you want to be good at what you do.

Poetry can be funny. People will pay you to work in the theater. Start a theater company. Find the people you know will probably be awesome and make them your friend. There's a lot of good television out there.

People will actually give you money to make theater if you're good at what you do, and you're only good at what you do if you're having fun while you're doing it. If you have a good idea, just do it!

http://www.myspace.com/parkersubmits

Making lists isn't actually as evil as you might think it is. New places and change might be scary but you may find that happiness was waiting for you there. Pursuit of the truth is more important than debt. Cook good food, do it a lot so you get good at it. Community is very, very important. Seek help if you need it. Write often. Do what you love because that's the only way you can be happy.

http://thislivingdeath.blogspot.com/

I can't thank my friends enough for always reminding me that what you love is always worth pursuing. This has been a weird time in my life where I'm constantly thinking about the next step I'm going to be making and how I'm going to be making it. It's always good to know that there are other people out there that I know and love, that are blazing a bit of the trail for me and with me.

Ok done being cheesy now.

The mooninites like it stink eye.

2008-09-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

I think that if I watch a video more than 3 times in a row...I should probably share it with the world.

I find odd things to be funny.

The other day I was watching "It's always Sunny in Philadelphia" With Shawn and I go:

"This is weird isn't it Shawn"
"Yeah really weird, totally something Leigh would watch"

Life is pretty good.

P.S. I was kissed and blessed in Yiddish by a Jewish Grandmother at work today. and I learned yiddish for "beautiful girl".....couldn't spell it for you.

Two firsts for me today

2008-09-18T21:08:00.002-07:00

1. I got my first speeding ticket about a mile away from my parents house in huron....uuurrrgg.

2. I reached down the throat of a dog to retreive a childrens sock that it had attempted to eat.

Thankfully I have recently stumbled upon something that makes me happier than free booze on your birthday.

When I grow up, I want to be Cloris Leachman

2008-09-18T21:08:00.001-07:00

"Stay close za candles....the stair case...can be trechawas." - Frou Blucher (neeeiigh)

I want to be funny when I'm old. I think that Cloris lets me know that funny carries on to old age. phew. I want to be able to make fun of myself when my health is going and have kids that know it's ok to make fun of me too :)

My friend Shawn said tonight that one of her greatest fears is getting old and wrinkly and dying. I feel quite the opposite. I mean it's not like I'm ready to be 70 right at this moment, but I'm excited to have a big family and lot's of halarious kids and grandchildren and extended family. I think it'll be awesome. I'll be the grandma that farts really loudly and wont be able to stop laughing. yup.

I mean, why are people so afraid to get old? I don't want to be in my twenties for the rest of my life! I want to get on with it and grow in my career, in my talents, in my family, etc. Frankly though, I've never been one to be able to stay in one place for a long period of time....That's probably why i'm so excited about life moving forward and becoming different and new each year, because it means I don't have to move from state to state and country to country to feel like there has been a change in my life. Thank the lord for that.

That being said, my Grandmother Culbertson's health has become increasingly worse this summer, and we just found out that she had a couple tiny strokes that caused her to lose some memory. She's a tiny lady with many artistic talents and skills. unfortunately one of them is not dealing with her emotions, and she had a gaggle of kids that do the same thing (5). Fortunately, Basically most of her kids married crazy, rambunctious people who do nothing but express emotion.....All this to say, Grandma's going to be ok, but she's moving into a different point in her life, and her kids are having a harder time than anyone dealing with it. So prayers on that.

So when I'm old, and my health is failing, I want to be able to make fun of myself, and have kids and grandkids that know it's ok to make fun of me too, or at least ask me how I am! I just want to be approachable is all.....don't worry, I'll work on that.

anyways. Life is pretty great isn't it?

n'amen.

I have this stuck in my head...

2008-09-09T14:59:00.000-07:00

My Sister Maddy makes these mix cd's to play in the car, and I was sick of listening to one of mine so I just poped hers in and decided not to care that it was mostly bad rap, and over played R&B......I didn't expect to be so moved by a Jordan Sparks song, but seriously I've been blasting it in the car when ever I drive now.....It's freakin powerful maen!

Love me yet?

Chicago....land of stink eye

2008-09-09T09:34:00.000-07:00

So I've decided to Move back to Chicago sooner than expected. Like end of Dec, Jan or something. What brought this about? I make really good money as a server. I've been able to save up more quickly than I thought I'd be able to. and I could probably live off money like that in Chicago. I miss my friends. I want to get started on a music project, a theater project and so on. It all seems possible, so I'm going to do it.

Don't get me wrong, Ohio is beautiful, I love being able to see the stars at night. And fall is going to be soooo beautiful. I think that moving here was a good choice because it gave me the opportunity to gain some experience in things that will be lucrative in Chicago, serving, retail, Directing.....babysitting. This was a good choice, but it looks like I wont have to be here for as long as I thought I'd need to.

So here I come!

Anyone need a roomate?

stink eye wren

2008-09-04T10:42:00.000-07:00

Things are looking stink-eye.

Politics shiver

2008-09-02T10:04:00.000-07:00

I'm really starting to get sick of all this Political jargin. I'm really liking Mr. Obama, and I'd like to just vote for him and be done with him...you can vote early right? Maybe that's the best option for me. For me what it comes down to is caring for the environment/making green energy, reducing the cost for future College students and what's going to be best for the city of Cleveland Ohio. And so far Obama seems to be the best guy for the job. Let's turn the rust belt into the green belt eh? I think that's an awesome Idea, I think I'd actually cry if I saw that happen :) Oh yeah...and I don't want to be doing this whole war thing anymore, but let's be smart about it right?

The other thing is that I don't hate McCain, although it is funny how he's tearing down Obama for being a "celebrity" when he has been one of the only Polititions who has been "Celebrity" enough to host Saturday night live. But seriously he seems like a nice guy....I just don't want to be dealing with Oil and war for the next 4 - 8 years....although he did say that if he became pres. he probably wouldn't be running for a second 4 years....because he's so damn old! no that's probably not the reason.

It's funny how I grew up in a house where my Mom is a republican and my Dad is a Democrat, another thing (one of many) that I grew up thinking is normal, but when I tell people about it they're like "Whaaaaa? How do they get a long?" ...um, they love each other? But this year when my Mom decided that McCain isn't up for the job because he's not as smart as Obama, (and lord knows we need a brain that can fix the mess our country has become) I listened. My Mom is a very smart woman. And when she said that she wouldn't vote for Obama unless he got Biden to run with him, and then the next day he became his vp....I was intrigued.

It's not often that I am passionate about a candidate...I'm mean I'm only 23 but still.

Vote Obama.

Make me laugh and make me cry

2008-08-31T17:30:00.000-07:00

(stink eye provided bymikki schaffner)

Makes me Cry.

Makes me Laugh.

The latter coming from my amazing ability to make friends in this strangely isolated place. It's a video my new friend Joe put together after taking a recording of a conversation they had on a road trip...why haven't I thought of that?

The former being a scene from Across The Universe that NEVER fails to make me cry. It's nice to cry every once in a while.

I started training for a job today, I'm kind of just on call but it's good because I'm getting food service experience. The crew that works there is really fun, and I find that I like being up on my feet and constantly moving at a job rather than having to sit and watch the time pass by. I didn't look at my watch today for at least 4 hours (I worked for about 7). Which is why i should be a director and not an actor, haha, because actors have a lot of down time where they can get distracted and be distracting, and being the kind of girl that can't stop fooling with and getting herself distracted....I'd much rather be constantly in motion. Less opportunities to get myself in trouble....funny how that works out, you'd think it'd be the opposite. So I was expediting food today, meaning I was getting together peoples orders and sometimes running them out to tables The one thing that surprised me about working back in the kitchen is how desensitized to food you become. At one point I was soooo hungry, but nothing looked appitising, which is odd because the Pancake house has excellent food, I was just so desensitized to everything that it all seemed...so...usual, I guess. I hope you understand. Maybe you coffee lovers that work as baristas can relate.

Anyways. I have training again tomorrow as a server, and an interview the next day. jobs jobs jobs.

I also have a pretty frequent job as a babysitter for a 1, 2 and 3 year old. I think that child care is something everyone should do at some point in their lives before having kids, because you learn so much from the kids but then you don't have to deal with them 24/7. It's a blessing to get to hang out with them once a week. I also have this directing job that should start up pretty soon since the school year just started and I'll be working with high schoolers. I like working with high schoolers, because they've just gotten to the age where they're not taking themselves too seriously and can begin to make fun of themselves....that's important to me in a human being. besides....I was a theater kid in High school and I wasn't all that bad ;).

There's a bit of my life, enjoy!

The Stink eye Dog

2008-08-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

He likes it Stink eye....do you?

My ipod seems to like Tom Waits today

2008-08-27T07:58:00.001-07:00

When I was in high school a guy friend of mine told me that in his experience girls always want to put Tom Waits on at parties. Personally that was never the case for me, mostly because I could never get to the stereo before some one beat me to it and started playing some eclectic noise/electronic/jazz fusion stuff on, so I never had the choice to put something on in the first place.....But I suppose Tom Waits can make a room feel a little more sexy, a little dirtier, a little less....comfortable. Seriously I don't see why that would be your default music for the evening. All that said, I do own some Tom Waits and as my ipod is on shuffle, it played at least 3 Tom Waits songs in a row. Maybe my ipod and those girls Craig was talking about should hang out.