Chocolate chocolate chocolate! AAAck.

tehehe.

I've been sick this week, not as sick as Jon was, lord no, but pretty darn sick. Whats frustrating is that it's the 4th time with in about a month and a half that I have been. And I haven't been sick all year....my body has become fragile since moving here, which is odd because I feel I've been eating a lot healthier. Maybe not as Healthy as when I ate over at the Lowly's ;) Anyways....let's hope this is the end of the sick streak, because I need to be on my feet serving people uncontaminated food. Not looking like David from "flight of the navigator" in my white thermal p.j's.

I'm going to a bachelorette party for a girlfriend of mine that I've known since Kindergarten. It's one of those people in your life that have stuck to you no matter what kind of craptastic things have happened in their life. She's been through a lot, including many a boy I didn't not approve of. But now she has a gorgeous son, a loving husband to be and a pretty exciting life set up before her. She choose a different path than me and it only proves to me that there's more than one happy way to go about life. That's always refreshing to know. Bachelorette parties are always interesting....mechanical bull anyone?

ok...ok deep breath.

Things that make life in Moreland Hills a little more livable:

- Late night phone convos with Joe Goivannetti
- The rolling hills, general landscape and wild life of North East Ohio
- My sisters
- Kate Brooks, and all the shenanigans we get into.
- Forging new friendships with people like Meghan, Sara and David.
- Daft Punk "Alive"
- My Dog and Cat
- Getting to hang out with a 1,2 and 3 year old once or twice a week.
- The living room fire place
- Graphic Novels
- gchat
- Anthropologie Catalogues
- 30 Rock, How I met your Mother, It's always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Greys Anatomy....yes I still love that show.

I miss all of you (that are not here). I need reasons to not be anxiously awaiting my return to Chicago...I know all of you are ;)

Forced Flow

Most of the time when I venture into the pages of this blog it's because I want to see who has updated their blog. Blogs like "Fail Blog" and "Lol cats" and "The Sartortalist" and Mari Andrew never fail to disappoint. Then I look up to the corner of my screen at the little "New Post" Option and I think....I have nothing to contribute to the overall conversation. 

Truthfully I've actually been really busy and emotionally drained, this leads to me feeling a little sluggish and malaise about the world that I should be contributing to in a creative way.....and I'm not, at the moment. 

I thought that moving to Moreland Hills would be lonely, which it's not (That lonely), and I thought I would have a creative burst of energy with all the free time and materials at my disposal. So far, sadly, that hasn't been the case. My paints and instruments lay in a heap in a corner of the basement I fear to go near....mainly due to the overwhelming cat pee smell.......my cat has issues. I've already discovered a forever destroyed copy of "Seven Plays" by Sam Shepherd, I fear the inevitability of others that have become a casualty to my sloppy move home. I have a lot of potential but not very much in the ways of motivating myself. 

It was wonderful to go to Chicago, it reminded me that I thrive off of my friendships with all sorts of people, being around creative, ambitious people reminds me to never stop in the struggle to be one, because let's face it, it's a bit of a challenge at times. Being in Chicago made me want to make the move out there come even sooner, like tomorrow, but that wont happen. While I was there I did a reading for a friend that wants to record me for a Radio Drama, I went and saw "An Evening with Don Hertzfelt" and although the host/interviewer was tremendously awful it was cool to see Don in person and all of his short films on a big screen. Not to mention the main reason i was there which was to help my Friend Ryan out with his Grad school recording. I got to hang out in a recording studio and take film and photographs of the process. I love being in recording studios, they're so neat, as much as I would love to learn that whole technical part of the music business, I'm sure I will always rather be the gal on the other side of the glass. I also got to see a (very rough) run through of North Parks Fall play and I even saw a band do some covers of classic rock songs in Lake View. I think one of the reasons I thrive while I'm in Chicago is because it's so easy to be constantly surrounded by the arts, you're immersed in the community, and once you're in it you're in it.....I can't wait to move back.

Living in the suburbs is a bit different...just a bit. Although I did see my best friend play Bassoon for the Great Lakes theater Festival's production of "Into the Woods". I had my opinions about it, but overall it was a very enjoyable show. (Kate of course was brilliant) One of my favorite piece's of theater, hard to much that up. I've been to less gigs than I would like to admit, and I've only done one thing in the way of participating in theater. I hope to turn this all around very soon. 

Sad news though, looks like I'll be staying in Moreland Hills 2 months longer than originally planned. The Directing Job I got in August wont be starting till the end of January, so I wont be able to move to Chicago till March.....at least I'll be missing the shittiest part of the year there right?.....I figure this way I'll get some experience that wont be so easy to get in Chicago, and I'll have a couple more months to save up.  March is a kind of an awkward time to move to Chicago though. Ah Well. I'll be there as soon as intelligently possible. 

Once again I've blabbered on about myself....how embarrassing Some one give me a topic to blog about and I'll see what i can do.

Beautiful things should be shared.

A poem

i thank you God for most this amazing day by E. E. Cummings

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
wich is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

A heavenly peice of music written by Eric Whitacre.

Photo's by Grace

I really like this photo my sister Grace took of me walking the family dog.

His name is Montana.

Today was a good day, I need to have more just like it.

Free to be me in DC.

This past weekend I had a very enlightening weekend in DC. Me and my buddy Dave hopped in his red neon and set sail for the capitol around 5 pm on Friday. And let me say, driving through PA in the fall is chalk full of beauty. 

Awww.

I also got to see my second Cousin Katherine. We played mouse trap at her house....I won, of course.

It was so nice to be in a big city again, and it was lovely to meet new people. The lads we stayed with were quite quality human beings and I had a lovely time. I also got to chill with my buddy Todd on the WWII memorial for an hour or two while the boys took a nap by the fountain, twas awesome. Lots of good conversation, lots of adventures involving mouse trap.

I just got back from the library. I've found that my vocabulary is decreasing, all too often have I recently tried to use a word in a sentance that just will not come to me. Out of that frustration has born a new determination to be learned. I took out a couple books from the library, two plays and a David Sedaris book. And I'm going to avidly get back to my love of Logic puzzels, as well as my gravitation towards painting and writing and music playing and the like. I need to do a bit of these each day that I have off (at least) because most of the time when I have a day off I just float between the computer and the tv and my bed and the kitchen...this need not happen anymore, for I will be LEARNED!! (pronounced Learn - ed)

ouch I have a head ache.

Music in my head

There is this song by Esperanza Spaulding called "I adore you".

I've had it stuck in my head all day. And if you listen you can see why...it's pretty easy to get something stuck in your head when the lyrics are all just rhythmic syllables. The title for this song is perfect because I think "adoring" some one is a difficult emotion to express in words and the joyful energy of this song is the same kind of feeling you get when you adore a person, like really adore them. Which is a little more than "caring" and only vaguely similar to "loving". So there you go, maybe you can have it stuck in your head for a while. 

When I have a problem with a person I am in a mutual relationship with, I can usually go up to them and say "hey, I'm having an issue with something you're doing blah blah blah" and I can just release whatever negativeness is inside me and move on with my life. But right now I have an anger towards a person that I don't know and haven't met and I have no place to go to that person and say "ok....wtf." So there's no release at the moment, and it's one of those things where I just need to remove myself from the situation even though a person I really care about is involed. I don't consider myself to be a person who is "all up in another persons grill" but...I'm involved, and I'm angry and I don't know what to do other than breath deep, remove myself and just forget and move on....but how do i do that?.....I think I just need to be patient and it'll slowly melt away to an emotion less intense than this one. ok.....*siiiiiiiiigh*.....

I've been kind of snappy in general lately. And I hate that when I am I get asked "Are you on your period?" or "Are you getting your Period?" no! I'm not on my fucking period, nor am I getting it! Aren't I allowed to be snappy for reasons other than my hormones!?......heheh... right? I think I've been snappy because I've been so isolated. I have two jobs that have started, one I've been waiting to start for the past three months (frustration number one) and nothing else to do,  so I sit and rot for most of the week, this is especially true because most of the time I'm stranded with out a car in the suburbs. So I'm stuck in this house, this house that can be very cozy and very debilitating. I just need to be productive some how...

Thankfully I got out of the house and went to the first preseason game of the Cavs, My Dad had a friend hook us up with some courtside seats, and I got a free t-shirt because my friend Joe is on the "cavs crew".....people go INSANE for t-shirts man....it's halarious. I had some Great Lakes Dortmunder and two plain hot dogs (my favorite). That was nice to get out of the house, and I have decided that I'm going to be a real cavs fan this season, check up on stats and go to games and blah blah blah, I read all about basketball on Wikipedia today and I found out that the game was actually invented by a Canadian!! 

This guy! Dr. James Naismith. 

I mean he was in a YMCA in Mass. at the time but still. Not only that but the first pro game was played in Toronto! I know, the Canadians did something cool! right? Seriously though I love Canada ;)

And yes I wikipedia'd Basketball....a girls gotta know what position does what and what constitutes a foul and all that if she's going to be sitting courtside. 

So I'm sick, and have to work tomorrow morning, and when I took a nap earlier I had deleriously feverish dreams and woke up more exhasted than when I had gone to sleep....so now I'm going to try this sleep thing again....we'll see what my brain comes up with now.

You Inspire me.

Can I be kind of cheesy for a moment?

 I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who constantly inspire me to do the things that I

 might otherwise fear to do. Things like: Traveling to another country, learning a new language, doing what I love to do because there isn't any other way to be happy. These are all things that of course I believe are important, but in a world that doesn't put enough emphasis on the importance of art, community and worldliness, it's nice to be consistently 

surrounded by people who are inspiring to say the least..... and I'd like to do a little tribute here if that's alright with you.

You Inspire me by letting me know:

Work really hard and you can do anything. It's usually worth it.

Don't stop pursuing your dreams. Write the kind of music that you love. Keep a steady head. Music is a 6th sense for some people. Get the people you know that love what you do involved in what you're doing.

http://www.myspace.com/ryancunningham86
http://web.mac.com/rcunningham86

Dancing is an important form of expression. Being kind to others is key. Being a girl out of the ordinary is cool and sexy. Writing a book can be hard, but in the end it's probably worth it. There is no flavor of alcohol you cannot create on your own.

You can put on a play anywhere you like when ever you like as long as you are helping a cause while you do it. Don't be afraid to be smart. Work hard if you want to do what you love.

Laugh as hard as you possibly can while never giving up on the things other people really are counting on you to do.

Live the good life, this involves; Playing the music you love, cooking and eating things that you enjoy daily, showing love to every person you come into contact with. When words fail, communication through music is key.

Watch films that are good, then you will make films that are good. The more you practice your craft, the better you'll get at it. (in Dan's case, Movies and photos) It's never too late to rediscover your faith.

Play the music you love where ever you can, as often as you can, even if other people might not know what the hell you're doing, at least you'll gather a crowd.  There's more to do with your love of music than just play, (i.e. make a tape label, work at an up and coming music venue)

http://www.myspace.com/druidsofhuge

Nothing is impossible as long as you work hard enough and have good beer to drink at hand. Your friends are some of the most valuable people in your life and should be treated as such. Also toys are fun to buy, make and play with.

Be Brave. It's ok to be sad in a beautiful place. 

 "Kissing is a really easy way to feel good about yourself," I said. "But I need to find other ways to feel good about myself. Like writing a story. Or learning more Spanish. Or becoming closer to God. Or learning to cook Egyptian stew." 

I read that from her blog a couple times a week as a very valuable reminder.

http://ytupaltatambien.blogspot.com/

Cross cultural boundaries. Step out of your comfort zone and discover things about other humans that you may have never bothered to know. Make music where ever you are, whether it be in a different country, house, state you'll always find other people to make music with you.

http://indoyear.blogspot.com/

Art is fun. Friends are valuable. All animals need loving and deserve it. Be proud of your height, beauty, style....and don't be afraid to experiment with it. It's possible to love what you do for a living at a young age.....really just enjoy your life.


http://darcieyoung.blogspot.com/

Don't give up on a dream. Even if it's a little different, even if it tears you away from the other things you love for a little bit. Take the pain you've experienced in life and let it show in a beautiful way through your artistic skill. Practice a lot if you want to be good at what you do.

Poetry can be funny. People will pay you to work in the theater. Start a theater company. Find the people you know will probably be awesome and make them your friend. There's a lot of good television out there. 

People will actually give you money to make theater if you're good at what you do, and you're only good at what you do if you're having fun while you're doing it. If you have a good idea, just do it!

http://www.myspace.com/parkersubmits

Making lists isn't actually as evil as you might think it is. New places and change might be scary but you may find that happiness was waiting for you there. Pursuit of the truth is more important than debt. Cook good food, do it a lot so you get good at it. Community is very, very important. Seek help if you need it. Write often. Do what you love because that's the only way you can be happy. 

http://thislivingdeath.blogspot.com/

I can't thank my friends enough for always reminding me that what you love is always worth pursuing. This has been a weird time in my life where I'm constantly thinking about the next step I'm going to be making and how I'm going to be making it. It's always good to know that there are other people out there that I know and love, that are blazing a bit of the trail for me and with me. 

Ok done being cheesy now.