Stream of Conciousness

I am really Tired. It's not because I haven't been getting enough sleep because I actually have, I think it's because I'm not used to early mornings and consistently active days....I also think it's because I'm out of shape. So to change that I biked to work today. Five Miles from Logan square to the West Loop, woot! Now I'm really tired and praying I'll be sharp enough to make it home alive this afternoon. Two cups of caffinated tea should be kicking in any time now.

So yesterday on the commute home I did a lot of thinking, as I was too tired to pull out my logic puzzles and too packed in with people to sit down and gaze out the window, so I was left to my thoughts. I thought a lot about what was so great about this last weekend in Moreland Hills Ohio. How great it was to spend time with my family as a whole, be with my 3 sisters making jokes that inevitably might piss off Mom. The giggling in the pews of the Federated Church that never get old, hugs from Grandmas, Aunt Marty and Martines new springer puppy, Decorating eggs with my cousin and her fiancee, avoiding whatever elephant is in the room etc. It was great.

But then it all died down and I wanted to escape from everything. Sunday night came and I was scheduled to drive home around 6, about an hour before I was to get picked up I decided I wasn't ready to go back and bought a bus ticket for Tuesday morning. So, Bonnie got shipped back to MU Ohio, Maddy holed up in her room again, Moms attitude turned sour and I decided I wanted to get out of that house, hide from the place that I was using to hide from Chicago. Double hide. So I went to the Brodheads. The Brodhead family is my paralell Universe. They are a Family of four boys, my good friend Craig being the second as I am. They were all still home for the Holiday and I just got to sit and bask in the strangeness of all the differences and similarities of their paralell life. It was perfect. Their mother is an angel and never hesitates to let me know that their door is always open, and so are the doors to their enormous fridge filled with food. Their house is perched on a hill in the valleys of Gates Mills and over looks the rolling landscape as two Golden retreiver beasts roam about the house distributing love. In my last two days in Ohio I spent as much time there as possible, this included sleeping over, eating breakfast then napping there. I forgot all about the fact that I had bills to pay, a steady job to find, close to no food in my fridge in Chicago and just pretended this was life. It was healthy I think. And very needed for my soul.

Anyways, that's what I want.

And recently a lot of attention has been brought to setting goals. Career goals, life goals, etc. so here's a goal:

I want a house in the Valley where the door is always open and the fridge is always full. I want two or three loving dogs to roam about giving love to anyone that wants it, a cat too. I want a big room with every musical insturment and peice of equipment nessecary for impromtu music playing and enough spare beds for anyone to come and go as they please. I would love the house to have some semblance of a family in it but lets not get ahead of ourselves.

Deadline for this goal? let's say 35? That's 12 years from now. Lots of things need to happen for that to happen, but I think I can do it.

1 2 3
That's the speed of the seed
A B C
That's the speed of the need
You can dream a little dream
Or you can live a little dream
I'd rather live it
Cuz dreamers always chase
But never get it

-Aesop Rock

Yeah, thanks for listening.