When I feel like I don't need you

I'll be going to church in a little while.

I didn't always think that you didn't have to feel the presence of God in order to fully experience and follow him. That would be quite a difficult thing for me to do as I battle bouts of anxiety and depression, things that make you feel rather empty and alone. No, I realized in high school that even when you don't feel like he's there he still is. whether you like it or not. Even when you don't feel like you need him, you do.

The past two years since I left North Park with out having finished my degree (which I have since finished) have been a struggle, financially, emotionally, but never spiritually. It seems that when I'm in the most trouble that's when i feel the most taken care of, that's when I feel the most blessed. Because despite all my best efforts, I'm surrounded by people that want to help and care for me and about me deeply, what a blessing! And When I was living in France and I was alone and not surrounded by anyone i knew or loved, I was with God and I felt closer to him than I ever had.

Now I live with Ryan, I get a pretty good pay check every week and I am surrounded by good friends constantly. I'm almost never alone or with out the things that I want/need. And I feel less of a need for God in my life. It's not that the desire is completely gone, mentally I know I still need him. It's a tricky thing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that being comfortable isn't great for your spiritual life, at least not mine. But I need to find a way to have both in my life, stability and spirituality, because i'm not going to be twenty something forever.

so

I'm going to church in a little while, like I try to do every weekend. I continue to boldly be a part of my community through Berry UMC and through the various childcare I do for it's members.

He's still there though.