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But it seems like a large portion of the people I know that are in or around the area of my age are either hitched or hitched and preggers.
I am not either of those things but I have to admit that I do THINK about those things. And I didn't for a long time. And while thinking about the silhouette of my future wedding dress and an appropriate family name for a future child are fun (and for some reason suddenly not overwhelming), if I close my eyes and place myself in this "Married with Children" life, I feel confused.
Probably because it doesn't work with my life right now. I was always confused when people said "There are so many things i want to accomplish before I get married/have kids" because I thought 'why not accomplish them while married with kids?' but now I feel like I get it.
It's not that everything is impossible when you're married and have kids, it's just that it takes a little longer and a lot more money.
I still hold on to this idea that at some point in my late 20's I'll be a little more self actualized than I am right now. Maybe not totally, but just less confused than i am right now. I have a lot of ideas about who I am supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing for a living and for my community but it needs to be a little more clearer before i can settle down.
So I feel like I'm on the other side of the rope right now, that there is this group of people i know that have ducked under this rope and have a new frame of mind and a different way of looking at life and thinking about themselves. Children do this more than marriage does i think, although marriage effects your mind set too, or so I'm told.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it makes me feel weird. I love looking at your babies and your wedding photo's but i don't want that life yet.
I want to get an amazing career off the ground, i want to travel a lot more, I want to give of myself to the community and to my creativity as much as possible with out having to focus on a little person.
So for now I suppose i'll just put my blinders up and try not to feel pressured into going about things in a way that I'm not ready for.
Then again I always told myself that i would NEVER live with a guy until (or right before) we got married...life goes how it wants to.
2 comments:
I hear you. I'm a bit older (those late 20's you were talking about) and most of my friends are married with kids...I just don't see myself there yet, but if it happened I'm sure I would just go with the flow :)
I am married (you know this) and it does change your mindset and it does make things a little harder from time to time, but it's awesome. That being said I am nowhere near ready to have a baby. Not at all. There are a lot of things I want to do and a lot of places I want to go before I have a little person tugging on my skirt telling me they have to go to the potty while we're standing in line at target.
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