For instance when I was in 10th grade a handful of my friends started smoking pot and I was NOT happy about it. I might have said a few choice words and handled it poorly, both sides over reacted and I lost some perfectly good friends...for about 3 months. Then we all came to our senses. I learned that I need to pick my battles.
11th grade I had a girl I'd been best friends with since kindergarten drop off the face of my planet, start abusing drugs and only calling me out of the blue for rides. I didn't talk to her for a couple years until I realized maybe she needed my reaching out to. Wrote her a heart felt letter, cut her to the quick, now she's on the right path (not really because of me).
But my question is:
As adults, as Christians, as caring, loving, understanding, close friends, what is our breaking point?
When do we speak up when it comes to people you love abusing their bodies, taking abuse in a relationship be it physical or psychological, or even just abusing the code of friendship? How many times should it take before we speak up and say "No, enough is enough".
After the first sign? The second instance? The third? Just when we start noticing? Should we say anything at all? Ever?
"If you loved me you'd let me be."
"My life is my life!"
"You have no place."
"I don't want to talk about it."
Where do the responsibilities to our friends begin
These are questions I've been struggling with for a while and have recently been struggling with daily.
When I was a kid I had an extremely low tolerance for such matters. Me and my sisters caught my Mom smoking behind our house one day, the cigarette was immediately snatched from her hand and stomped upon dramatically and what ever cigarettes were remaining were found and disposed of. I was maybe 7 and I never saw her smoke again. I think inside I still have this same gut reaction but as I am an adult I ask myself questions like "has this person made a commitment to quit smoking? Is it my place to say anything? Do they want/need my help? etc.". Because, hey, it's easier to just ignore it anyways, right?
sigh.
I think when it comes down to it I have to look to the Big Guy for this one. After all he puts our options before us and then gives us infinite chances to get it right "70x7". Loves us unconditionally and is waiting there when we get it right. Not to mention there is a log in my eye I've yet to get out. ...
I try my best to do good by this, but my nerves are shot.
The Bible's GOT to say something about getting the go to meddle, it should be in here somewhere *flip flip flip*.
Anyone?
2 comments:
Well...Cain said, "Am I my brother's keeper?" and we see how well things turned out for him (sarcasm).
I feel like I really relate to you here, when I was younger I was very hard on my friends, so much so that when someone messed up they were afraid to tell me, when I found this out I decided to soften it up a bit.
The older I get the more I realize that people are going to do what they are going to do, they don't care if you have been there and you're trying to help them, they've already made up their minds...but that doesn't mean that it isn't our obligation, BECAUSE we love them, to give them our opinion. They don't have to listen to it but we have to at least try. Then, after we say what we need to say, we are still there for them. It's hard, it's frustrating, but it's what friends do.
This is a great post and a problem I've been struggling with lately as well. A couple of verses spring to mind.
Proverbs 1:22: "Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you."
To me, I guess this means that whether I get involved or not depends on the situation and the person. If someone repeatedly rejects your attempt to help them, maybe it's time to give them some space. Not give up on them. Just wait for them to either sink low enough or become wise enough to accept help.
Ephesians 4:15: "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."
In my opinion, this is the best verse on the topic. Particularly when dealing with other Christians, we are called to balance truth with love.
What exactly that balance looks like and how to find it ...? You got me. But it's a nice ideal to strive for, I think :-)
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