i thank you God for most this amazing day by E. E. Cummings
i thank You God for most this amazing day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything wich is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today, and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth day of life and love and wings:and of the gay great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing breathing any-lifted from the no of all nothing-human merely being doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
A heavenly peice of music written by Eric Whitacre.
This past weekend I had a very enlightening weekend in DC. Me and my buddy Dave hopped in his red neon and set sail for the capitol around 5 pm on Friday. And let me say, driving through PA in the fall is chalk full of beauty.
Awww.
I also got to see my second Cousin Katherine. We played mouse trap at her house....I won, of course.
It was so nice to be in a big city again, and it was lovely to meet new people. The lads we stayed with were quite quality human beings and I had a lovely time. I also got to chill with my buddy Todd on the WWII memorial for an hour or two while the boys took a nap by the fountain, twas awesome. Lots of good conversation, lots of adventures involving mouse trap.
I just got back from the library. I've found that my vocabulary is decreasing, all too often have I recently tried to use a word in a sentance that just will not come to me. Out of that frustration has born a new determination to be learned. I took out a couple books from the library, two plays and a David Sedaris book. And I'm going to avidly get back to my love of Logic puzzels, as well as my gravitation towards painting and writing and music playing and the like. I need to do a bit of these each day that I have off (at least) because most of the time when I have a day off I just float between the computer and the tv and my bed and the kitchen...this need not happen anymore, for I will be LEARNED!! (pronounced Learn - ed)
There is this song by Esperanza Spaulding called "I adore you".
I've had it stuck in my head all day. And if you listen you can see why...it's pretty easy to get something stuck in your head when the lyrics are all just rhythmic syllables. The title for this song is perfect because I think "adoring" some one is a difficult emotion to express in words and the joyful energy of this song is the same kind of feeling you get when you adore a person, like really adore them. Which is a little more than "caring" and only vaguely similar to "loving". So there you go, maybe you can have it stuck in your head for a while.
When I have a problem with a person I am in a mutual relationship with, I can usually go up to them and say "hey, I'm having an issue with something you're doing blah blah blah" and I can just release whatever negativeness is inside me and move on with my life. But right now I have an anger towards a person that I don't know and haven't met and I have no place to go to that person and say "ok....wtf." So there's no release at the moment, and it's one of those things where I just need to remove myself from the situation even though a person I really care about is involed. I don't consider myself to be a person who is "all up in another persons grill" but...I'm involved, and I'm angry and I don't know what to do other than breath deep, remove myself and just forget and move on....but how do i do that?.....I think I just need to be patient and it'll slowly melt away to an emotion less intense than this one. ok.....*siiiiiiiiigh*.....
I've been kind of snappy in general lately. And I hate that when I am I get asked "Are you on your period?" or "Are you getting your Period?" no! I'm not on my fucking period, nor am I getting it! Aren't I allowed to be snappy for reasons other than my hormones!?......heheh... right? I think I've been snappy because I've been so isolated. I have two jobs that have started, one I've been waiting to start for the past three months (frustration number one) and nothing else to do, so I sit and rot for most of the week, this is especially true because most of the time I'm stranded with out a car in the suburbs. So I'm stuck in this house, this house that can be very cozy and very debilitating. I just need to be productive some how...
Thankfully I got out of the house and went to the first preseason game of the Cavs, My Dad had a friend hook us up with some courtside seats, and I got a free t-shirt because my friend Joe is on the "cavs crew".....people go INSANE for t-shirts man....it's halarious. I had some Great Lakes Dortmunder and two plain hot dogs (my favorite). That was nice to get out of the house, and I have decided that I'm going to be a real cavs fan this season, check up on stats and go to games and blah blah blah, I read all about basketball on Wikipedia today and I found out that the game was actually invented by a Canadian!!
This guy! Dr. James Naismith.
I mean he was in a YMCA in Mass. at the time but still. Not only that but the first pro game was played in Toronto! I know, the Canadians did something cool! right? Seriously though I love Canada ;)
And yes I wikipedia'd Basketball....a girls gotta know what position does what and what constitutes a foul and all that if she's going to be sitting courtside.
So I'm sick, and have to work tomorrow morning, and when I took a nap earlier I had deleriously feverish dreams and woke up more exhasted than when I had gone to sleep....so now I'm going to try this sleep thing again....we'll see what my brain comes up with now.
I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who constantly inspire me to do the things that I
might otherwise fear to do. Things like: Traveling to another country, learning a new language, doing what I love to do because there isn't any other way to be happy. These are all things that of course I believe are important, but in a world that doesn't put enough emphasis on the importance of art, community and worldliness, it's nice to be consistently
surrounded by people who are inspiring to say the least..... and I'd like to do a little tribute here if that's alright with you.
You Inspire me by letting me know:
Work really hard and you can do anything. It's usually worth it.
Don't stop pursuing your dreams. Write the kind of music that you love. Keep a steady head. Music is a 6th sense for some people. Get the people you know that love what you do involved in what you're doing.
Dancing is an important form of expression. Being kind to others is key. Being a girl out of the ordinary is cool and sexy. Writing a book can be hard, but in the end it's probably worth it. There is no flavor of alcohol you cannot create on your own.
You can put on a play anywhere you like when ever you like as long as you are helping a cause while you do it. Don't be afraid to be smart. Work hard if you want to do what you love.
Laugh as hard as you possibly can while never giving up on the things other people really are counting on you to do.
Live the good life, this involves; Playing the music you love, cooking and eating things that you enjoy daily, showing love to every person you come into contact with. When words fail, communication through music is key.
Watch films that are good, then you will make films that are good. The more you practice your craft, the better you'll get at it. (in Dan's case, Movies and photos) It's never too late to rediscover your faith.
Play the music you love where ever you can, as often as you can, even if other people might not know what the hell you're doing, at least you'll gather a crowd. There's more to do with your love of music than just play, (i.e. make a tape label, work at an up and coming music venue)
Nothing is impossible as long as you work hard enough and have good beer to drink at hand. Your friends are some of the most valuable people in your life and should be treated as such. Also toys are fun to buy, make and play with.
Be Brave. It's ok to be sad in a beautiful place.
"Kissing is a really easy way to feel good about yourself," I said. "But I need to find other ways to feel good about myself. Like writing a story. Or learning more Spanish. Or becoming closer to God. Or learning to cook Egyptian stew."
I read that from her blog a couple times a week as a very valuable reminder.
Cross cultural boundaries. Step out of your comfort zone and discover things about other humans that you may have never bothered to know. Make music where ever you are, whether it be in a different country, house, state you'll always find other people to make music with you.
Art is fun. Friends are valuable. All animals need loving and deserve it. Be proud of your height, beauty, style....and don't be afraid to experiment with it. It's possible to love what you do for a living at a young age.....really just enjoy your life.
Don't give up on a dream. Even if it's a little different, even if it tears you away from the other things you love for a little bit. Take the pain you've experienced in life and let it show in a beautiful way through your artistic skill. Practice a lot if you want to be good at what you do.
Poetry can be funny. People will pay you to work in the theater. Start a theater company. Find the people you know will probably be awesome and make them your friend. There's a lot of good television out there.
People will actually give you money to make theater if you're good at what you do, and you're only good at what you do if you're having fun while you're doing it. If you have a good idea, just do it!
Making lists isn't actually as evil as you might think it is. New places and change might be scary but you may find that happiness was waiting for you there. Pursuit of the truth is more important than debt. Cook good food, do it a lot so you get good at it. Community is very, very important. Seek help if you need it. Write often. Do what you love because that's the only way you can be happy.
I can't thank my friends enough for always reminding me that what you love is always worth pursuing. This has been a weird time in my life where I'm constantly thinking about the next step I'm going to be making and how I'm going to be making it. It's always good to know that there are other people out there that I know and love, that are blazing a bit of the trail for me and with me.
