Just a reminder Chicago, it's getting cold.

Dear Chicagoan's,

It's that time of year again! I'm not really talking about the Holidays or consumerism or yada yada yada, I'm talking about the cold, dark, ickyness. I think the cold dark days have a tendency to put a damper on everyone's mood and while for about 2 months we have the added jolliness of the holidays, that only lasts till the beginning of January. I'm writing this to remind everyone that we're all going through a similar time right now where we all need an extra pick me up, we all need that extra ounce of love and "oumph" of motivation to get together with people we love. I think that sometimes people get to this part of the year, start feeling icky, and think that they are alone in this feeling. I'm writing to tell you you're not. I know I will be making the extra effort to get out of the house, and if you need some one to hang out with do not hesitate to call me up, even if it's just to watch River Monsters or something.

Love, cheer and Joy to you all!

And Happy Hanukkah starting tomorrow!!!

Love, Leigh

Enough is Enough.

There have been some key instances in my young life where I learned what happens when my expectations for people I care about come crumbling down before my young eyes.

For instance when I was in 10th grade a handful of my friends started smoking pot and I was NOT happy about it. I might have said a few choice words and handled it poorly, both sides over reacted and I lost some perfectly good friends...for about 3 months. Then we all came to our senses. I learned that I need to pick my battles.

11th grade I had a girl I'd been best friends with since kindergarten drop off the face of my planet, start abusing drugs and only calling me out of the blue for rides. I didn't talk to her for a couple years until I realized maybe she needed my reaching out to. Wrote her a heart felt letter, cut her to the quick, now she's on the right path (not really because of me).

But my question is:

As adults, as Christians, as caring, loving, understanding, close friends, what is our breaking point?

When do we speak up when it comes to people you love abusing their bodies, taking abuse in a relationship be it physical or psychological, or even just abusing the code of friendship? How many times should it take before we speak up and say "No, enough is enough".

After the first sign? The second instance? The third? Just when we start noticing? Should we say anything at all? Ever?

"If you loved me you'd let me be."

"My life is my life!"

"You have no place."

"I don't want to talk about it."

Where do the responsibilities to our friends begin

These are questions I've been struggling with for a while and have recently been struggling with daily.

When I was a kid I had an extremely low tolerance for such matters. Me and my sisters caught my Mom smoking behind our house one day, the cigarette was immediately snatched from her hand and stomped upon dramatically and what ever cigarettes were remaining were found and disposed of. I was maybe 7 and I never saw her smoke again. I think inside I still have this same gut reaction but as I am an adult I ask myself questions like "has this person made a commitment to quit smoking? Is it my place to say anything? Do they want/need my help? etc.". Because, hey, it's easier to just ignore it anyways, right?

sigh.

I think when it comes down to it I have to look to the Big Guy for this one. After all he puts our options before us and then gives us infinite chances to get it right "70x7". Loves us unconditionally and is waiting there when we get it right. Not to mention there is a log in my eye I've yet to get out. ...

I try my best to do good by this, but my nerves are shot.

The Bible's GOT to say something about getting the go to meddle, it should be in here somewhere *flip flip flip*.

Anyone?

Radiohead - Kid A

This album still helps me breath deeper, think deeper, feel deeper.

I've recently dusted it off and gave it a good listen again. I think it's been a while only because I played it so many gosh darn times for years after I discovered it. Listening to it now it's still just as powerful to me.

When I was 15/16 I refused to listen to Radiohead because I thought Tom Yorke's voice was too whinny, I didn't listen to Nirvana for similar reasons. There was one day when I finally got it. I believe it was during a ride home after Jazz Band from our guitar player Chris Rue, he had been telling me about it for a while and finally made me listen, and thank God he did.

I have a very good and detailed memory of sitting in the little apartment above my best friend Katie's Garage out in the middle of the heavily wooded Gates Mills, OH and listening to Kid A on full volume in the dark, the only thing to focus on was the lights from the stereo. This near out of body experience was broken only by laughter only after Katie muttered "I feel like i'm on a spaceship". But it does make you feel that way, doesn't it? Like you're zipping through the cosmo's at varying speeds? And for two classically trained musician nerds it was just the trip our brains were looking for.

Kid A would be the gateway drug into a world that I hadn't tapped into yet, having been cuffed to my boom box by album after live album of Dave Matthews Band music.

I seem to remember specific points in my life when my friends introduced me to music that would take me to that next plane of understanding. Like when my friend Ben saw that I needed a heavy dose of good tunes and invited me over to burn album after album of tunes that would open my eyes, (ie- AIR's Talkie Walkie, numerous Stereolab albums, The Bad Plus, Brad Meldeau, Waltz for Koop, etc.). Even a short moment when my friend Craig had me listen to Juana Molina's Segundo just asking "Do you like this?" my eye's wide I respond "What is this?".

At that age me and kids like me were always looking for the newest sound, it was like a drug in one way and a contest in others. Eventually I grew out of it and lightened up in my pursuit of the new and the interesting. I come across things now and then and I'm still the go to girl for some friends seeking new tunes. But surely I'm not as intense about it as my friends Ben and Craig still are.

But still, I can honestly say Radiohead's Kid A changed my life musically. Listening to it now I'm falling in love all over again.

Self inflicted Music.

For some reason I love the concept of musicians getting hurt as a result of being so into the music they're making that they can't stop even if it's inflicting injury.

When I was a kid and I heard about Flea playing bass so hard that he had to put glue over the intense bloody blisters he got as a result, I was impressed. I thought, "Wow! He must play really hard! Why would anyone - that's crazy - whoa!". Now that I've played bass for a number of years now that's like..."Oh....yeah....that happens."

When I was touring Sweden and Austria with my University Jazz bands we were playing one to two shows a day and it did a number on my fingers. By the 4th or 5th show the tour guides son was being sent to the store to get me some super glue (cuz God knows what I would have ended up with not being able to read Swedish). And yes, I had to put a layer of super glue over my red, bleeding, pussing, raw blisters that had formed on my middle and index finger. But it wasn't

weird or gross, it was just something that I had to go through to get the job done. I get blisters all the time, it's just become an extension of being a bass player.

When I met Esperanza Spalding I made sure to ask to see her fingers, of course they were callused and red and blistered, beautiful. All a part of being a dedicated bass player.

Guitar players can usually avoid this by using pics.

Drummers, however, beat them selves up on a daily basis. Blood on a snare drum is a regular occurrence.

One of my favorite photo's that I've taken is of my friend Ben's fingers after he's played a show. knuckles cut up and bloody. Followed by another photo of his forearm, bruised and red, all part of being an impassioned drummer.

These injuries are gross to people who don't understand that these things are part of the gig, and that's amusing to me. I love these photo's because usually the messages taken from such images is one of anger or sadness. For these people, it's one of passion.

Can we say, "Leigh's new photo project". I think so.

An artist doesn't stop.

Yesterday I was talking to my best friend Katie about this and that. The skinniness and tonedness of her older sister came up and Katie, who is a professional Classical Bassoonist said this. (and I'm paraphrasing)

"I mean she has such a cushy job though, (she's a lawyer in London or something) she can come into around 10 or 11 and always leaves before 7 and then she's done! She can go home and work out or whatever and doesn't have to think about work anymore. Unlike an artist where what you do consumes your life 24/7, it's hard to fit in a work out."

Now while Kate is required to practice every night for hours and make reeds whenever possible, not all artists are as physically restricted from exercising as musicians can be.

But I do agree that creative persons can never truly escape their "Job" and most of the time don't want to. Where people with a more "Type A" kind of job have the ability to go to work, come home and forget about whatever profession it is that they have. Of course there are some exceptions, but I'm pretty sure accountants don't think about accounting all night and all weekend.

This is why artists who are lucky enough find jobs in the artistic field barely sleep until a project is finished, (i.e. working on an album, film, play, etc.) and artists who don't have a job in their field use every ounce of their spare time to work on artistic endeavors.

Personally, I know that I will not be happy if I don't have a career that is in some way creative. And I think that's a mind set that most if not all artists I know have.

So there's that.

New Blog/ RIP

I made another blog today called "Look At What I Made Today" that will have a post each day of something I made. Check it out:

http://lookatwhatimadetoday.blogspot.com/

This blog will remain for my ramblings.

On a sad note:

My Grandfather Robert Rickert Died the Sunday after Thanksgiving my senior year of High School. He was an amazing man, a story teller, seriously wouldn't stop telling jokes and stories. He was tall and lanky like me and always said "You're slender, not skinny". I recently watched a home movie from 1987 when him and my grandmother were visiting us at our home in Texas, he was playing a pretend game with us where we made a string grow between us and then played jump rope with it, he was always a creative instigator. I miss him.

Recently his best friend Edwardo passed away, a man that my Grandfather waited to see before dying the same night. I remember him by the stories he would tell me and my sisters about catching my Mom sneaking out of the house at night back in the 70's, and from him reading me and my sisters stories in Spanish.

Two great men that are surely missed.

RIP

Wanting to exist in the space in between

There is a time of day that is like no other:

I've brushed my teeth and put on my pj's, set my alarm and kissed Ryan good night. My ear plugs go in and i lay in bed trying to go to sleep. Then what happens between that time i roll over and the time i fall asleep is what i wish had been happening all day. That time is when the ideas start to show up.

Soon my brain is like a dream like interactive poster board filled with amazing images, designs, song ideas, stories, even fall fashion collections, all things that only exist in my mind, all images that you cannot google, all so complex that turning on the light and scribbling something down wouldn't do them justice. But I guess for now I'll do my best.

I want to exist in this space all day. This limbo between waking and sleeping where all my idea's seem too flow freely out into my conscience mind. During the day I am so distracted or if I'm not I want to be, I get lonely so quick that I turn to the internet or i turn to the television, why can't I just put my ear plugs in, close my eyes and return to the space in between?

I have a memo recorder filled with song idea's, a head filled with photo shoot concepts, and a note book filled with stories, an eye filled with fashion lines and yet something in me stops it from going any further. It all stops just after it leaves my finger tips, or just before, terrified of going any further. What does it take to make it go the extra step.

Does this fit into any job description you've ever heard of?

I want to exist in that space between, where anything is possible and my idea's flow with limitless freedom.

Tomorrow is going to be nothing like today.

(excuse the hippie, trippy psycho babble shit, I just rolled out of bed to write this.

"You're surrounded, come out with your hands blinged out and cradling a baby."

I guess it's the age I am.

24

But it seems like a large portion of the people I know that are in or around the area of my age are either hitched or hitched and preggers.

I am not either of those things but I have to admit that I do THINK about those things. And I didn't for a long time. And while thinking about the silhouette of my future wedding dress and an appropriate family name for a future child are fun (and for some reason suddenly not overwhelming), if I close my eyes and place myself in this "Married with Children" life, I feel confused.

Probably because it doesn't work with my life right now. I was always confused when people said "There are so many things i want to accomplish before I get married/have kids" because I thought 'why not accomplish them while married with kids?' but now I feel like I get it.

It's not that everything is impossible when you're married and have kids, it's just that it takes a little longer and a lot more money.

I still hold on to this idea that at some point in my late 20's I'll be a little more self actualized than I am right now. Maybe not totally, but just less confused than i am right now. I have a lot of ideas about who I am supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing for a living and for my community but it needs to be a little more clearer before i can settle down.

So I feel like I'm on the other side of the rope right now, that there is this group of people i know that have ducked under this rope and have a new frame of mind and a different way of looking at life and thinking about themselves. Children do this more than marriage does i think, although marriage effects your mind set too, or so I'm told.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it makes me feel weird. I love looking at your babies and your wedding photo's but i don't want that life yet.

I want to get an amazing career off the ground, i want to travel a lot more, I want to give of myself to the community and to my creativity as much as possible with out having to focus on a little person.

So for now I suppose i'll just put my blinders up and try not to feel pressured into going about things in a way that I'm not ready for.

Then again I always told myself that i would NEVER live with a guy until (or right before) we got married...life goes how it wants to.

When I feel like I don't need you

I'll be going to church in a little while.

I didn't always think that you didn't have to feel the presence of God in order to fully experience and follow him. That would be quite a difficult thing for me to do as I battle bouts of anxiety and depression, things that make you feel rather empty and alone. No, I realized in high school that even when you don't feel like he's there he still is. whether you like it or not. Even when you don't feel like you need him, you do.

The past two years since I left North Park with out having finished my degree (which I have since finished) have been a struggle, financially, emotionally, but never spiritually. It seems that when I'm in the most trouble that's when i feel the most taken care of, that's when I feel the most blessed. Because despite all my best efforts, I'm surrounded by people that want to help and care for me and about me deeply, what a blessing! And When I was living in France and I was alone and not surrounded by anyone i knew or loved, I was with God and I felt closer to him than I ever had.

Now I live with Ryan, I get a pretty good pay check every week and I am surrounded by good friends constantly. I'm almost never alone or with out the things that I want/need. And I feel less of a need for God in my life. It's not that the desire is completely gone, mentally I know I still need him. It's a tricky thing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that being comfortable isn't great for your spiritual life, at least not mine. But I need to find a way to have both in my life, stability and spirituality, because i'm not going to be twenty something forever.

so

I'm going to church in a little while, like I try to do every weekend. I continue to boldly be a part of my community through Berry UMC and through the various childcare I do for it's members.

He's still there though.

Do you have what it takes?

What do you have to say for yourself?

I'm not Edgar Meyer, but gosh I wish I was. To be able to pick one thing and just focus on THAT so you can do it better than everyone else in the entire world, that's amazing. Edgar Meyer did just that, as well as countless other artists musical or otherwise. As I've grown older in the art/music/theater world I have come  to see what it takes to excel, and I might have to come to terms with the fact that I don't have all of the pieces that it takes. Discipline being the major factor in artistic success, something I lack in a major way. The ability to sit down and practice your craft every single day in an almost meditative state is a blessing not every musician has.   I suppose that is something that can be learned, but don't you have to be disciplined enough to learn it? It happens all too often that I'll be talking to a friend about a favored musician or actor and the conversation will usually end with, "Yeah but I hear he/she is a real ass hole" or "He/she is full of themselves" to which my response has become "That seems to be a common denominator in successful musicians/ actors" because if you don't believe in what your doing 100% and don't think what your doing is better than anything else out there right now, you might not get farther than your grandma's living room, and by Grandma's living room I mean some DIY space in Chicago. And unless that’s you goal…

 

After my experience with the Classical music scene in High school while being part of the Cleveland Orchestra Youth Orchestra, I decided it wasn't for me. A large majority people in that crowd have the kind of personality that compares to that of a black widow. And while I've met many a classical musician of which that is not true (My best friend Kate Brooks and my old Bass teacher Cleveland Orchestra asst. Principal bassist Kevin Switalski) most found that in order to move up: choose your friends and who you sleep with wisely, put others down, compete compete compete, back stab. Not something I could stick with much farther past high school. Yet, These people can't imagine doing anything else with their lives, hence we get some amazing musicians like Edgar Meyer, people who created their own way and couldn't help but be brilliant.

 

My boyfriend (the badass seen above) is a guitar player in a band, "God and the Architects" They're good, you should check them out. They play around Chicago at least once a month and frequently make trips back to Michigan to play shows in their home town of Jackson. They play a fun sort of Rock and Roll music. Every once in a while I'll here Ryan say something like "Making it big is all about luck", too which I (possibly annoyingly) reply. "Weeeelll it's not ALL about luck, it's not even all about Talent". What is it about? People have written books on this subject, and while I can't say I've read any other them I can only imagine that they say it has a lot to do with persistence and the right self promotion and these days that can come in many forms. These days we have the internet, which can be used in soooo many ways. And I hear way too many of my "Too cool for social networking on the internet" friends talk about how twitter and facebook and similar sites are "So lame and impersonal" guess what, that's where people are going to hear about you, because that's where the majority of everyone is. If you want people to know who you are, get over yourself and get a twitter account. So while God and the Architects is a Very good band and a handsome group of young gentlemen, the members of this band aren't all 100% committed to their band becoming big. I don't know if that's something they want, but the fact that most of them are pursuing other career paths communicates to me that this is just a hobby. (Love you Ryan)

The people I know that are around my age and beginning to find some kind of success in the music world are people that (in no particular order):

a) Have either fought through the bullshit or are a part of it

b) Have an account on every kind of social networking site there is be it geared toward musicians or just anyone.

c) Can’t imagine doing ANYTHING ELSE as a career.

d) Take every opportunity thrown at them – Whether it be at a home town spring festival or a year long job on a cruise ship.

e) Work with any and every musician that shows an interest in working with them. Eventually something will click.

I should also mention that most of these people went to school in order to become a musician, part of the "I can’t imagine doing anything else” quota. But this isn’t to say that people who didn’t go to school for music can’t be successful, they just might have to work a little harder to find the network and tools necessary to succeed.

Now, I would say I’m a musician, and while I am in a band I don’t have any dreams about getting big with them (Sorry Joel) it’s more of a fun thing to do sometimes. I see myself getting a career in something that is a bit more stable (ie. production), I suppose that has my high levels of anxiety to thank. I thank my lucky stars that my Parents supported me in my pursuit of the arts, sent me to nerdy music camps, gave me lessons with the top bass players in Cleveland, pushed me to pay for a good portion of my schooling by playing the bass for my University. The fact that they invested time and money into me being a musician is something that gives me joy and a little guilt, because I look at Edgar Meyer and I wonder…could I have done that? And who knows, maybe with a little time and a lot of effort I could, but is that what I want to do?

Every once in a while i’ll be listening to music with Ryan and I’ll say “If I had a band, this is the kind of music I would want to make”.

If. Maybe that should become a when. At this point, what’s realistic?

 

I feel like now is a good time to plug all my musician and Actor/writer type friends out there, serious or otherwise.

God and the Architects

Abbotts Smile

The Clams

The Tim Lowly Ensemble

Carly Tanchon

Adam Tressler

Craig Brodhead

Ben Billington

Blaze McKenzie

Sydney Wayser

Joe Giovannetti

Stephanie Weber

Tina Jackson

Elise Mayfield

Project Stinkeye

Nick D’agistano

(I wish Kate Brookes had a website)

Please do not fail to check all of them out. Most, if not all, of my favorite music and theater is made by people I know personally. The reason behind that is probably a-whole-nother blog post.

Love

Leigh

Joking with strangers.

A rough transcript of the conversation that took place between me and the security guard at the John Hancock building today.

Characters;

Leigh - A tall white girl in her mid 20's on her way to a focus group.

Security Guard - A Tall Black man in his mid 40's taking people from the security desk to the elevator.

Security Guard: (noticing my fingernails as I sign in) Man! Those Nails are blue!

Leigh: (looking at her nails) indeed they are, Blue.

SG: It looks like smurfs, it looks like a bunch of smurfs came and polished your nails to a shine.

Leigh: They ARE kind of a smurf color ARENT they! I never really thought of that.

SG: Man those are the smurfiest colored nails I have ever seen. It's like Papa smurf did your nails.(leading me over to the elevators so he can key card me up)

Leigh: (After a bit of a pause. Looking at my nails) I should get little white hats for all my fingers-

SG: No.

Leigh: No? Haha.

SG: No, (shaking his head) I can't believe you said that.

Leigh: I crossed a line.

SG: You went too far.

Leigh: I pushed the boundary line with that one.

Both: Laughing

Leigh: Well have a good day!

SG: You too now!

It's little conversations like that with complete strangers that I cherish. haha.

Rock and Roll model

An Excerpt from an Interview with Patti Smith from Interview Magazine.

A pretty accurate explanation of how the artist mind works.

SMITH: I can’t answer that. I mean, I know it got me. The question for me wasn’t if art got us. The question was, “Do we regret that?” I know art got us, because if art gets you, you never can be normal. You can never enjoy. You can’t go anywhere without trying to transform it, you know? You go into church to pray, and you start writing a story about being in a church praying. You’re always observing what you do. I noticed that when I was young going to parties. I could never lose myself in a party unless I was on the dance floor because I was always observing—observing or creating a mental scenario. That’s why performing is probably the truest thing I do socially, because everything is natural. There’s nothing fake in the way that my band performs. We’re always in the moment, communicating with people. I’m not the greatest in social situations. But onstage, my whole reason for being there is to serve, so I’m giving everything of myself that I know how.

Also might I add that according to this interview Patti didn't drink heavily or do drugs or smoke (although she pretended to). What a relief that you can still be a valued artist and not be associated with those things....

My Fathers Daughter

So yesterday I was to attend an Easter Pot Luck dinner with some friends. And having no money to go out and buy something for the occasion i was forced to get creative with what i had in my kitchen and I came up with something pretty spectacular.

I Made a Salad that consisted of the following

Chicken from a whole roast Chicken I took home after our Church meal last Thursday

Grapes, Apples, Cashews and Rasins also left over from that meal

The Remainder of almonds I had in the pantry

The remainder of Cous cous I had in the pantry

The remainder of spinach i had in the crispter

and a good amount of apple cider vinegar that belongs to one of my roommates.

So, want an awesome salad recipe?

Varying amounts of the following:

baby spinach

Grapes

Chopped Apples

Raisins

Almonds

Cashews

Cous cous

cubed chicken peices

Apple cider vinegar

I titled this "My Fathers Daughter" because this is the kind of mentality he taught me. "Make due with what you have", he always managed to make some pretty awesome meals by using up what was left in the kitchen, and that was for 6 people! It's a good skill to have, and I'm glad to have it. Now I'm making chicken broth out of the bones from the chicken I used yesterday, also something my father doesn't miss a chance to do. I miss my Dad.

Much love to all.

Circular brains connecting cyclically.

How my brain works, the brain of an artist, is a mystery. Maybe not to psychologists or scientists or maybe not even my parents....but to me, it's a mystery to me. Why do most of my idea's for paintings come from anxiety attacks? Why do I feel closest to God when I'm at a stinky crowded noisy show? Every once in a while I'll come across a painting or a piece of music or a movie and I'll think "Oh my goodness that's exactly how I see the world". This happened when I saw "The Science of Sleep" Directed by Micheal Gondry, This is why I connect with many of the Wes Anderson films, because of the way he shoots things (i.e. paying close attention to detail, making colors pop, take/double take shots). This is what happened when I discovered Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele and it's even how I feel when I look at Tim Lowly's paintings. I experience these things and I know some one out there see's the world the same way I do, this is refreshing when you can't relate to most of the kind of art the media is saturated with.

Every once in a while I'll go on www.vimeo.com and check out the favorites posted on the front page, this leads me on a path that is full of some amazingly animated short films. Recently I came across "La Fete" by Malcom Sutherland. This short is about a celebration in Quebec involving quite the eclectic crowd, and when I watched it I got that feeling, I thought "This is exactly how my brain processes a crowd". It's quite amazing, check it out.

La Fete (HD - 2010) from Malcolm Sutherland on Vimeo.

This is all relating to visually experienced art, and although I didn't include Theater in this post it can some times apply to shows I see....but I think watching theater is about something else. Something else that must be talked about at a different time.

As far as how this relates to music...well since I see the world through music and through rhythm on a near constant basis it's a little different, so to hear a piece of music and think "This is how I see the world" doesn't happen as often as maybe hearing a piece of music and feeling "This is how I feel the world". Does that make sense?

I do this, and I think most other people like me do this, where they pass a book or a movie or a painting or music on a person not only because it is "good" to them, but it effects them in a way that might explain to that person what makes them tick. One of the fabulous ways art can be used, as a tool to better understand the people around us, and how they see the world. Isn't that amazing?

I think that's really F**king amazing.

To Do: Funemployment

It's nice to finally have time to look at a "To Do" list and accomplish the things on that list. From Jan to the first week in March I was going going going from 8 am - 11 pm.

Wake up, work, class, rehearsal, rehearsal, go home, sleep repeat >

That all changed a little over a week ago when the play I was directing went up and closed, when the Theater season i was working for ended and the play I am acting in ended rehearsals as it opened. Not to mention I had spring break from classes last week. I'm experiencing something people all over the country can relate to, going from 60 - 0 in seconds. Now I find myself back at home in an all too familiar position, looking for work and trying to keep myself busy enough not to nap all day.

I'm lucky that I'm a creative type, because that means finding things to do isn't particularly difficult. I've started working on a painting, I'm looking to work more on writing children's books and plays, and there is no end to the musical projects I can involve myself in.

Some people aren't so lucky, some people are good at the thing you can get paid for, and not much else.

Some people don't enjoy listening to NPR all day as much as I do.

Some people don't have a fluffy dog to snuggle with when they get lonely.

Some people don't have 4 roommates to clean up after when there's nothing else to do.

So really I'm lucky...

So.

To Do:

Finish Reading Bone

Learn how to play a song on Ryan's pretty new Guitar

Finish that painting

Secure a new apartment

Do some of Darcie's Dishes for her

Apply for that Job Joe referred me to.

Clean my room

File state taxes

Put away excessive winter clothing

I filed my federal taxes today and I will disclose to you that last year I made a little less than 50% of what is considered the poverty Threshold for a single person under the age of 65. This made me pretty mopey because, especially with in the past two months, I have been worked to the bone. Then I thought about it and I talked to The-Big-Man-Upstairs and I realized how this number says nothing about how valued I am, this Number speaks volumes to the blessings I've received, and this number only proves the fact that God Will provide, for there is not one day where I went hungry or with out a place to sleep. I contribute that to my parents and to being part of a pretty amazing community.

Having a community is pretty important to Funemplyment I think.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? - Matthew 6:26

I want i want I want me me me me now now now now mine mine mine mine

I want it to be spring already. I want to hear the air outside my window fill with humidity and pressure and birds clamoring to sing louder than that f**king dog next door.

I want to be able to go to the doctor when I see that my surgery scare opened up over night. I don't want to have to wonder "Can I afford Rent, Gas and a trip to the doctor this month?"

I want not to be angry at my employers for taking advantage of young struggling theater professionals by paying them less than 8 dollars an hour when there's no way for them to afford health insurance and little time for them to take on a second job.....but hey it's money right?

At the Gala last night, heard over our radios:

"J to front of house staff, does anyone have a 20 we can lend to a patron to get home?"

"J, we work at Chicago Shakespeare Theater, none of us have a 20."

"Copy "We-don't-pay-you-enough".

I want to sleep all the way through the night. Just once.

I want that grey double breasted Burberry coat I saw when I was working coat check last night.

I want there to be more jobs for everyone.

I want to not be such a whiner...

I want to start a Blog that's for more than just complaining.

Why are pretty things so expensive?

Tibi Dress.

I'm really Busy again

Like, 13 hour day's busy...

It's good because I'm doing a whole lot of stuff in the direction of what I care deeply about.

It's bad because I'm so exhausted by the end of each day that I just want to cry and listen to AIR.

Thank God for Boyfriends who buy you roses when the tear's do come and who bake pies for when you finally come home just to hear you make yummy noises.

And Thank God for Tommy Wiseau who made a movie that is so halariously quotable.

And Thank God for Theater, Music and Photography.

And I have to get up in 6 hours why am I still awake. Good night.

Photo Credit: Matthew Schaffer.

Orange juice and Lysol Sanatizing wipes.

I saw Avatar on my Date with Ryan the other night. i have this to say about it:

Ok....yeah ok it was pretty, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen, save for the two exit signs that were TOTALLY ruining my 3-D experience by adding unnecessary glare....safety my butt. But....come on..."I see you"?, come on creative team! It was so long though, that I could probably honestly say I enjoyed a good hour and 45 minutes of it, the other parts, I get to be critical of.

Like, how old hat is it so demonize the military. I mean I'm not like a HUGE fan of the army and I'm sure not ALL the choices they make are morally stable, HOWEVER I would like to imagine that in the year 2154 we would have the brains to deal with new civilizations in an intelligent way. You can't honestly expect me to believe that the U.S military came upon a planet with humanoid natives and went "pushy Violence/Mass genocide, works every time!" as if they forgot everything about the birth of their own country and many others. I can't believe that after thousands of years to develop a perfectly viable sector of the military they would have people in charge that would go "Science and valid information baaaad, Violence and ignorance goooood".....it wasn't believable hence making it all the more obvious that this was an allegory for something......else.

Also during the movie Ryan leaned over and told me that the main girl Na'vi reminded him of me.....simply because I'm tall. On that same note, the main avatar reminded me of my friend Blaze....simply because he is tall...I should also add that he is a talented musician with a new(ish) band called "The can't tells" Check them out.